I’m Sure That’s Why You Go To Gay Bars

On Friday nights my friends and I like to go to the gay bars to go
queer baiting. Last Friday we were just starting the fun when my boss
walked in wearing a pair of chaps, a vest with no shirt on, a fake
mustache, and a black cowboy hat. He looked like one of the Village
People. We snuck out the back, now I can’t even look him in the eye. I
guess we have to find a new Friday night activity…

The Anthro

I’m a grad student working on my PhD in anthropology. I am concerned
that my advisor is going to drop me because it seems we have some
major differing “opinions” as to the purpose of anthropology. You see,
my advisor seems to be on a quest to use “science” to prove the
existence of God. Every time they find an ancient piece of wood near
Mount Ararat, she’s trying to get the first flight over there so she
can evaluate it first hand. She doesn’t believe in evolution and gets
raging mad when anyone suggests Australophithecus or any other hominid
species is at all related to modern man. She picks and chooses what
scientific methods to believe in, depending on whether or not the
method will tend to support or disprove her hypothesis (for example,
sometimes she believes in carbon dating, other times she claims it is
the most unreliable method to ascertain the true age of an item).
She’s absolutely mad. I would like to try to get a new advisor but I’m
a bit afraid to ask around the department for fear word will get back
to her and she’ll drop me before I have plan B in place. I don’t know
how she ever lasted so long in this field, or how she rose to the
level she’s at today.

F Cancer

I had been working at a large corporation for the last 6 years and in
February of 2011 I was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer. A lot of times
people can work whilst undergoing treatment, but in my case it had
moved through my lymph nodes quickly and the tumors were so large I
was beginning to asphyxiate. (To add a little more context, I was
24.)

Long story short, I approached my District Manager at the time to see
what my options would be so that I could keep my health insurance, but
at the same time secure my job for the future when I would hopefully
have recovered. Being as I had never encountered anything this life
changing before, I didn’t understand that short term disability was
something that applied to me. My manager’s response after I told him
about my Thyroid Cancer and need for immediate treatment: (verbatim)

“That sucks, unfortunately we don’t pay you to be sick. Hopefully
you’ll get better soon. Any idea on when you’ll need to go so we can
get someone in here to fill your position?”

Needless to say he is no longer with the company.

The Company Car

I had a really important presentation to do for a potential new
client. I had everything ready to go and had given a digital copy of
the Powerpoint to my boss in case something terrible happened to me
between the end of the work day and the presentation the next morning.
The morning of my presentation I got up early. I gave myself an extra
hour to get to work, just in case. In the end Murphy’s Law reared it’s
ugly head. I was halfway to work when suddenly there was a 30 car
pile-up in front of me on the freeway. Of course it happened while I
was in the middle of the six lanes of traffic, and immediately I was
completely boxed in. Absolutely nowhere to go. I called my boss to see
if we could reschedule the client, or if he could keep him occupied
while I waited for traffic to clear. He just flipped out. Instead of
offering any solutions, he just kept freaking out. I was afraid that
not only was he going to fire me, but he may scare off the client,
which had the potential to utterly devastate our department and lead
to a whole lot of pink slips (it was a huge account, and our financial
situation necessitated landing this client). So I did the only thing I
could–I got out of my car and ran to the nearest off-ramp. I called a
cab and made it to work with 10 minutes to spare. I managed to wow the
client with my presentation, they signed the contract, and left. The
ink wasn’t even dry on the paper when the boss called me in and fired
me. He fired me! Why? The car I left on the freeway was a company car,
so I was fired for being irresponsible with company property.