During a company meeting, my boss informed us that there would be no
annual raises this year.

“We all need to cut back for the good of the
company, including me.” He continued to shout, “I only went to Hawaii for
vacation this year.”

My boss would walk around the factory while talking into a mini tape
recorder. He did this to remember all of the things he wanted to
complain about later. One morning, I found it in the parking lot by
his car. It was 1986 and in those days a mini recorder cost around
$200. So, being an honest man, I walked into his office to give it to
him. As I turned to go he said “Wait, I have something for you.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dime. I stared at the
coin with my mouth open as I walked out with my reward.

A teammate of mine was engaged in a defensive argument with our mutual boss. As always, our boss was laying a foundation of blame to keep his ass out of a jam with his boss because of his apathy.

In the course of the exchange, the boss asked of his direct report, “Did you send an email notification?”

The response was “No, I didn’t.”

The boss then proclaimed melodramatically, delighting in making his point of fact saying, “Well, I can’t ignore an email you didn’t send.”

My boss is not tech-savvy at all. However, his ego dictates that he is
the smartest man in the room at all times. He learns little buzz words
and phrases, applies his own meaning then YOU become the idiot when
you don’t agree with him.

Some examples:

- Use the “back” of web pages on our company site in order to
save server space. I guess you are supposed to flip your monitor
around to read the back of the page.

- Send 2 sided emails to our customers as a courtesy to not use up
all of their paper when they print them.

- Devise a way to pay cash over the internet. Think about the coin
and bill slots on the front of a vending machine. Yeah, invent a way
to do that over the internet.

I work many long and odd hours, and travel quite a bit for my job, so
it is very rare that I get to spend time with my wonderful
girlfriend. We had decided to go on a date, and while at the movies,
I received 6 or 7 calls in a row from my boss. Finally, I decided to
leave the theater because who would call someone that many times
unless it was an emergency. My boss, who is a director, was in a
meeting with his VP.

He said, “Thank God you called *****! We need
your expertise. How much does it cost to fly from Kansas City to
Denver”? I thought I was going to have an anurism but instead I
responded, “I am not sure, I would guess 150-400 dollars round trip,
but I would check online.” They both thanked me with all of their
hearts, and apparently got it all worked out.

Between the two of them they make 8 times what I do…ridiculous!

Every year, my boss would close the shop between Christmas and New
Years Day. On our last day of work before Christmas, he would give us
our paycheck plus another paycheck in advance for the week we were
going to be closed. Year after year, this was our Christmas bonus, a
week off paid in advance.
This year we went back to work on Monday January 4th. When we asked
for our paychecks on Friday January 8th, my boss said “Paychecks? I
gave them to you before Christmas. Remember?”