Wax On, Wax Off

My boss had very bad hygeine. His socks were dirty and had holes in
them, he picked at his ear with pencils, paper clips and just about
anything that he could fit inside. He chewed cigars, itched his
crotch and when he clipped his nails at lunchtime, the disgusting
trimmings would land on my desk.

One day he was picking at his ear with a toothpick and looking at the
gobs of wax that he picked out, as though they were works of art. Then
he called out my name and demanded that I come over to him and look in
his ear. Not only did he smell, but his ear was crusty and had a ton
of hair growing out of it. He pulled a tweezers out of his desk and
told me that the toothpick had broken and had lodged in his ear. He
wanted me to pick it out. Needless to say, I told him that I couldn’t
see it and suggested that he go to the hospital to have it removed.
After trying for about an hour to retrieve it, he finally went to the
hospital. I still gag when I see a toothpick, over 18 years later.

Gossip Girls

I work at a fastfood restaurant that I won’t name. Two managers (we will call
them Sarah and Lucy) like to have conversations about their respective love lives
while standing at the french fry station which is less than 3 feet
from the main register.

One night Lucy came in all excited because she had just gone shopping.
So most of the girl crew members started talking to her and when asked
what she bought, Lucy, without hesitation, pulls open her button down shirt
to show us her brand new polka dot bra. She is sitting on the counter
as she re-buttons her shirt.

Another night Sarah was the day shift manager and Lucy was the night shift
manager. The schedule allowed for a 1 hour overlap so that the night
manager had time to set-up the shift charts and such. Someone called in to say they couldn’t work and
as she hangs up the phone, Sarah says, in front of customers, “Well, fuck me in the ass, we’re
screwed!” This is the same woman who constantly yells at my boyfriend,
who works in the back, for cursing. Without missing a beat Lucy says, “Hey
Sarah, who are we fucking in the ass? You can use my strap-on if you like,
I have it my purse.”

On a THIRD occasion Sarah started asking one of my co-workers about her
boyfriend and their sex life. Now all I heard of the rest of the
conversation was Sarah saying again with customers not even 5 feet away,
“Well that’s kind of slutty. I mean I’ve only ever had one dick in
me, and I’ve been with that dick and the asshole it’s attached to for
17 years.” As my co-worker turned to me horrified and disgusted, Lucy, not
wanting to be left out, chimes in, “Well Sarah, I’ve got you beat. I’ve never
had a dick in me! Well at least not one made out of plastic!”

I told our franchise owner and our human resources manager about all
3 of these incidents. Not only do both Sarah and Lucy still work there but Sarah
now does the schedule and Lucy hates my guts, so I get no hours and made
to do everything.

Lookin’ Good

I worked for the R&D division of a major oil company. My job was to
design process control instrumentation for the chemical plants. Once
my boss told me, “I don’t care if it works, so long as it looks good
and is done on time.”

Straighten Up

I worked for a large pet store chain all through high school and
college. Our store manager for years was a wonderful, caring man who
eventually transferred to another store to be closer to home. His
replacement was Satan Incarnate. I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone
more in the world.

Not only was he a moron, he was cruel. One night after closing (just
days after he arrived) he asked me to straighten the 200 bags of
birdseed we had on the shelves. Now, I am a tad OCD, so this wasn’t
an issue for me. There were a few bags out of place, but I still
straightened them and lined them all up evenly with their price tag.

Well, SI walked over, took one look at the bags and said, “I asked
you to straighten these. You haven’t even touched them.” He then
reached his arm all the way to the back of the shelf and proceeded to
walk down the entire 30 foot aisle swooping all 200 bags into the
floor and said, “Do it over.”

I was livid. I said, “No, I don’t think I will.” That was completely
out of line and I refused to be treated that way. He said, “Then you
can leave and never come back.” I grabbed my stuff and left. I went
on a job interview the next day and was hired on with a mortgage
company with a pay raise almost triple what I was making there. I
came in the following day and told him I took his advice, got a new
job but unfortunately couldn’t give a two week notice. He never said
a word as I finished out the week.

A few months later, I found out that he was fired by upper management
for a severe drug addiction. Can’t lie, it made me a little glad
inside.