That’s My Classmate

When I was in high school, our government teacher asked us about our
after-school jobs. One of my classmates worked at a local fast food
restaurant that specializes in chicken and she announced that she
liked working there because she could do whatever she liked when she
was on break. She then announced that at least one, if not both, of
her children were conceived in the bathroom there. The teacher
quickly moved on to another subject. I have never eaten there again.

Hate! Hate! Hate!

Years ago, as a 20 something man, I worked for an inventory company
and had a department manager that was a complete tool.

I alone knew that his previous job had been to sweep a floor in tool
shop for 8 hours a day, so I could never take him seriously. Another
reason I couldn’t take him seriously was because he married the
owner’s unnatractive (ugly) daughter in order to get the manager
position. High school grad, this guy.

He sent out nationwide training videos to hundreds of districts that
he narrated. Unfortunately he used poor grammer and inserted large
vocabulary words incorrectly. Nobody wanted to correct him for fear
of being fired.

He acted the part of the alpha male – yelling out ultimatums to the
roomful of employees, mediating disagreements by threatening to fire
the next person to speak and promoting people in spite of the fact
they couldn’t do the job.
I hated him and he know it. One night I worked a double shift as some
computer servers had gone down. At 9:00 the next morning he comes in
fresh as a daisy (I’d been there about 16 hours) and waggles and
empty coffee cup under my nose and says “cream and sugar”. I smirked
at him and said, ” No, I take it black”. My asskissing superviser
grabbed the cup and scampered off to fill it while Dude swelled up
with rage. Ha ha, fuck him.

Years later I was walking through a sporting goods store with my
girlfriend and saw him. My girlfriend was a fitness trainer and
former model and looked like an angel. I saw this dude watching her
and failing at being discreet while doing so. He was trailing behind
this 60ish looking woman I assumed was his Mom…he would have been
late 30s this time. He was so absorbed in oogling my girlfriend that
I’d been looking at him for some time before he looked up and
realized 1) He was caught, and 2) His nemesis was with this babe. I
gave him a wink and laughed loudly, causing the old lady to turn
around. Yep, it was his wife and she still looked like 20 pounds of
shit stuffed into a 12 pound bag, just older. He scurried off to her
side as she began berating him.
Sweet justice.

I suspect he has by now either taken his own life or is in Tijuana
having cage sex with disease ridden babboons for beer money.

15 Minutes Early

Okay. I’ve had A LOT of jobs in my life by choice. World experience,
right?

Anyway this is one of my stories. While I was in college I worked as
a dish washer for a popular Midwest pizza chain. My co-workers were
great people however the management left something to be desired. On
several occasions I would be scheduled for an 8 hour shift and end up
working for 12 to 15 hours after being guilted into staying. On one
occasion I walked into work with my uniform in hand thinking I was 15
minutes early for my shift. My boss literally ran up to me and was
screaming at me for being 45 minutes late. I told him I was 15
minutes early according to the last time I checked the schedule. He
informed me he changed the schedule on my day off and it was my
responsibility to check it even when I wasn’t working. I said “I
don’t think so” and that my day off belonged to me. He was still
screaming at me and asked if I want to work there or not. Without
missing a beat I tossed my uniform at him and said nope. Turned
around and walked out of the door.

Get Some

Last weekend was my 1 year anniversary. My boss is awful but his wife
is the nicest lady I have ever met. They let us stay at their weekend
place in Palm Springs for a nice getaway. During the Monday morning
meeting that we have every week, the boss stops in the middle of what
we were talking about and asked me very loudly “So, did you have lots
of sex at my place last weekend!?” I was speechless. How do you
answer a question like that in front of the entire office? I quickly
fired back by telling him that he wasn’t getting any and that is why he
must live vicariously through me. Very awkward.