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Anal Beads

In 2007 I moved to a new city and began job hunting. Whilst walking
along the river I saw a sign for a job in a bead shop, so I hastily
took down the contact details, rushed home and sent the boss an email
enquiring about the vacancy.

A week later I had an interview and got the job.

Things started off brilliantly – I was able to negotiate my hours;
the pay was reasonable; I loved what I was doing everyday; I thought
my boss was charming, interesting and full of colourful stories about
his life. Everything seemed completely perfect and I was the happiest
I’d ever been. I also made friends with a kindred soul who also loved
beads and jewellery making.

After about 10 days some cracks began to show in the shiny veneer of
my wonderful new job. I started to notice one or two very minor
inconsistencies with my boss’s stories. I noticed how he’d tell my
friend one thing and me something else.

As the weeks progressed the stories became more elaborate. He told me
he’d slept (unknowingly) with his half-brother; that he had three
half-brothers and a half-sister and they were all gay; that his
father was the owner of a massive multi-national company; that he’d
lent certain people large sums of money… At first I believed him -
the stories were shocking but plausible. I even once said to him
‘Your life reads like a soap-opera script!’ to which he laughed.

Soon, though, the lies became malicious. We’d recently moved into a
new shop premises and my boss began telling people that the shops on
either side were moving out and we were taking over, to create a
massive space just for beads. This of course was a lie and caused the
owners on either side to constantly give us dirty looks – at the time
myself and my colleagues didn’t know why, we were lead to believe
they were ‘just jealous’. We also had regular visitations from a
large, angry man demanding money. As soon as he turned up my boss
would scuttle into the storeroom to hide, telling us this man had a
vendetta against him for no reason. It transpired my boss owed this
man quite a bit of money.

Soon after the lies about the shop premises started my friend and my
boss had an enormous falling-out. After day or two had passed my boss
told me my friend had visited him in the middle of the night, while
his partner was away, and thrown a brick through his window and had
‘run off cackling with her mate’. He’d called a window-fitter friend
to sort out the window – at 2am. This was a lie as well.

He also said my friend was now a drunk and was regularly seen around
the city, hammered and sleeping with other men (she was married).

Here is a list of a few of his other lies: that he and his partner
were adopting a child from Africa; that he was a Karate black belt;
that he designed dresses for celebrities and massive fashion houses;
and, rather oddly, that he was born in Canada (he was born in the

I left that job after 3 months (not only was my boss a liar, he was
also incompetent and lazy with customers – ignoring complaints about
missing orders and other negligent behavior).

My parting gift from my lying boss was him telling people I’d stolen
money from the till. Suffice to say, I did not ask him for a

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