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Clean Desk Policy

I work for a mortgage company. About 6 months ago they put a “clean
desk policy” in place to help ensure the security of customer
information. One of the guidelines states that you must put away any
document that has customer information on it in your desk, and make
sure drawers and cabinets are locked if you’re leaving your desk. I
came in this morning to find that my desk had been “snooped” and I was
written up for a clean desk policy violation. What prompted this? Oh,
well I failed to lock one of my cabinets before going home last night.
What was IN said cabinet? Nothing except food. It’s my effing snack
cabinet! I got written up for not locking my snack items away,
because, as we all know, food loves to run it’s mouth, and is
therefore a huge security risk…

Right. I love my job (or so I keep telling myself every morning).

68 Comments to Clean Desk Policy

  1. Ew, you eat at your desk? Don’t get Cheetos on my mortgage application!

  2. The Oxford Comma on August 17th, 2011
  3. Um. Last time I checked you said “make sure drawers and cabinets are locked if you’re leaving your desk”. Next time lock your desk. You got new policy and you didn’t follow it. Maybe since you were the first tard to leave your desk unlocked they were making an example out of you.

  4. Um on August 17th, 2011
  5. Perhaps you should just obey the rules. I’m very pleased that you didn’t use profane language or express yourself in a way that would upset the Lord, however. And I hope that you stock your drawer with healthy snacks, non-genitalia shaped fruits and vegetables in particular.

  6. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  7. policy is still policy, OP.

  8. JD Storm on August 17th, 2011
  9. Non-genitalia shaped fruits? Who keeps bananas and cucumbers in a office drawer? Walt I am starting to wonder what fruits and vegetables you smuggle home.

  10. Um on August 17th, 2011
  11. Well said, Walternator. Um, you are disgusting. Please keep that filth off the message boards on this world wide website. Thank you in advance.

  12. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on August 17th, 2011
  13. Okay, OP. We see your point. It was only snacks in that drawer. But if it’s policy to keep your drawers locked, then who’s at fault?

  14. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  15. Sorry if you couldn’t remeber to lock all your cabinets as the policy requires it. Too bad for you. OH and, it’s often forbiden to eat at your work desk anyways.

  16. Pomme on August 17th, 2011
  17. I don’t smuggle anything from my workplace, that would be ground for dismissal. As you may have noted, I work on Pa’s farm in the mornings. We grow a great variety of non-offensive vegetables. In particular: radishes, turnips, bell peppers, and tomatoes. Although a tomato is actually a fruit. Chuckling! Chuckling loudly! Clapping hands!

  18. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  19. Lock your food up! Coworkers love to steal yummy snacks!

  20. Barbara on August 17th, 2011
  21. Walternator, do you ever hold a tomato in each hand and squeeze then, checking for firmness and ripeness?

  22. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  23. …maybe pull on the stem a little?

  24. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  25. You did violate the letter of the law, OP. However, the company sonds like a terrible place to work if they can’t distinguish between the letter of the regulations and the spirit of them. As long as you didn’t have any DOCUMENTS in the unlocked cabinet I would have let it pass if I was the inspector.

  26. The Last Archimedean on August 17th, 2011
  27. Personally if it were me, my food drawer would be the first drawer I locked up at night…

  28. El Mookey on August 17th, 2011
  29. Stupid, although I realize your comment was directed at Walternator, that is the correct procedure for determining ripeness of a tomato. You do not want to squeeze too hard, however, for you might bruise the fruit.

  30. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on August 17th, 2011
  31. Some people like their fruit handled roughly.

  32. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  33. Damnit, The Last Archimedean….you are such a passive wimp!

  34. someone on August 17th, 2011
  35. stupid, you can handle my fruit roughly…

  36. The Oxford Comma on August 17th, 2011
  37. And when I do, I want you to say “How do you like them apples?”

  38. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  39. I’m with OP on this. I doubt her cheez-its are going to leak any personal info.

  40. Leo on August 17th, 2011
  41. Update time. The clean desk policy has been ammended. Why? Because upon bringing the issue up to my VP, she decided: Ya know what? You’re right. This policy is about customer security and nothing more, so lock or don’t lock personal items up, we don’t care! The policy now states specifially only drawers or cabinets that contain customer information are required to be locked. Any drawer containing only personal items can be left unlocked at your discretion. My department as a whole thanks me since those of us who had previously been written up for the same thing have now had those violations removed from our files. Also, for those concerned about my eating habits – I’m getting married in 31 days. There’s not a piece of junk food in my work or home cabinets. It’s all healthy (and not forbidden, Pomme, as my company rather enjoys it when we opt to eat at our desks so that we can work through our lunch hour.)

  42. OP on August 17th, 2011
  43. Nevermind, I’m an idiot. Rules is rules!

  44. Leo on August 17th, 2011
  45. Stop pigging out at your desk… and lock the derned drawers ! It’s simple enough. The ONLY way you should have snacks stored in your desk is IF you are diabetic (or have a similar health issue) that you have to have food on hand. Otherwise, it can attract bugs and rodents.
    If you just gotta have your snack, only take enough each day to get you through that particular day.
    Trust me, it is NOT fun to open the desk at your new job only to find out the pig that used to sit there has a desk full of ants because she left snacks in there…

  46. twisty on August 17th, 2011
  47. stupid, I wanted to say something about your last comment, but… Nope.

  48. Pomme on August 17th, 2011
  49. Walternator, why are you clapping hands? Are you simple or something?
    Also, When you smuggle corn on the cob out of the store do you walk really funny all the way home?

  50. Elvis Hitler on August 17th, 2011
  51. Walternate, Oxford comma keeps sending me messages inviting me to test the ripeness of her cantaloupes. Please advise me as to what I should do.

  52. Elvis Hitler on August 17th, 2011
  53. Well Pomme, no one asked for your opinion anyway. But you’re free to give it if you’d like. Either way, I don’t give a shit.

  54. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  55. Big deal, policy is policy. What if you left the snack cabinet unlocked & someone stole your snacks?

  56. sunburnt sue on August 17th, 2011
  57. I just thought of something, if your “snack drawer” is above another drawer that has customer information, that drawer can be removed, giving someone full access to the drawer below.

  58. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  59. Well Elvis Hitler… I first off must say that your name appals me. Elvis pelvic thrusts were highly inappropriate in the 60′s and they’re just as bad posthumously.

    I am, however, happy that you are beginning to understand me. I am indeed a simple man, who goes without a lot of modern day luxuries that some may deem necessary. I was clapping my hands because I thought the comment was funny, and I tend to react by clapping gleefully. Does that seem strange? Am I giving off an unintended signal? Now that we’re friends and understand one another, I’d hate to disappoint you.

    And as I previously stated, I do not steal fruit or vegetables from my place of employment. Dismissal would tarnish my reputation and, after all, I believe one of the commandments is Thou Shalt Not Steal. If I stole, I would be disappointing God on two accounts! I also do not walk home, I use my tractor to get to and fro. It can be a little pricey on fuel, but I don’t own a car and I feel it to be cruel to tie my horse up outside while I work an 8 or 12 hours shift. So I’m not sure why you would assume I walk funny?

    I believe you should help your friend. Some people have an awfully difficult time telling if their fruit and vegetables are ripe enough to eat. I help a lot of people with telling if their purchases are ready to consume or not. However, Oxford Comma is a heathen so I’m sure she means this in a sense other than its literal one. I warn you – stay away from her. She is an awful, awful lass.

  60. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  61. Hey Walternator. Isn’t the 10 Commandments part of the Old Testament? Didn’t Jesus give us a clean slate by dying for our sins? So it seems that Christianity has moved past those commandments and onto redemption.

  62. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  63. Yeah, I kinda thought that about Oxford. She kept typing ‘MOL…MOL’ which evidently means ‘moaning out loud’. And now she wants to see my zucchini. Do you like zucchini walternator?
    By the way, you refer to your reputation…um, your reputation is that of a simple minded bumkin that stocks grocery shelves and drives a tractor around town. You are the village dolt. People laugh at you. That is your reputation.

  64. Elvis Hitler on August 17th, 2011
  65. While you are correct that the 10 Commandments are part of the Old Testament, they were considered so important to the Christian faith, that they appear in two books: Exodus and Deuteronomy. Therefore, the Commandments have carried forth through the years and are still considered to be an important tennant of Christianity. While the slate was figuratively “wiped clean”, the Commandments are thought to be directly from God – and in tangible form on two tablets, given to Moses. The link between the Commandments and God himself makes them too important to disregard, even today. And while Jesus preached the Commandments, he didn’t create them himself. Disregarding them would be a slap in the face to God, who has remained constant in our lives throughout history and turbulent times.

  66. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  67. Elvis, don’t tell everyone! Those messages were supposed to be private…

  68. The Oxford Comma on August 17th, 2011
  69. I don’t like zucchini you horrible, horrible man! How dare you suggest such nonsense! HOW DARE YOU! I’ve already condemned phallic fruits and vegetables and you insult and taunt me with a question like that!?

    I am a quiet man who keeps to myself. Some may mock my means of transportation, but a dolt, I am not. For a true dolt would not understand the meaning of the word.

  70. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  71. Think of the Ten Commandments and your soul like one’s kitchen counter. Just because it has been cleaned once doesn’t mean you never have to clean it again. You must continue to keep it clean. I slept poorly last night, so please forgive me if you cannot follow my logic. A group of men came into Costco yesterday and I am still reeling from the mental image they projected into my mind, as I am quite certain they all stuffed gym socks into the front of their trousers.

  72. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on August 17th, 2011
  73. You didn’t follow the rules and got busted for it, snack drawer or not. YOU are the one at fault here, not any boss or anybody else. You broke the rules. Do you also bitch when you get a speeding ticket and blame the cops that you were only going 10mph over the speed limit?

    I would’ve taken your snacks. I would’ve eaten them. I would’ve pooped them back into your desk. I would’ve then locked the drawer and hidden the key.

  74. Heywood on August 17th, 2011
  75. Elvis, if you test the ripeness of the melons, remember the old adage: Pics or it didn’t happen!

  76. Heywood on August 17th, 2011
  77. I love how people keep commenting on how right my company was, without actually reading the comments wherein I stated my VP thought the policy was idiotic, and amended it to state that drawers containing personal items only (like food) do not have to be locked. “Rules IS rules”, so I’ve been told … but if the rule makes no sense and you fight it, it just might not be a rule anymore :) Also, “Stupid”, the cabinet I keep snacks and other personal items in is a singular overhead cabinet, connected to nothing but a cubicle wall … I always keep customer information locked away in the actual desk drawers, so there was no chance of customer information being obtained without someone actually busting the lock on the drawer, which I’d, of course, have no control over.

  78. OP on August 17th, 2011
  79. ok

  80. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  81. Albertsons this is in response to comment 9. I am almost positive that all of those vegetables that you listed earlier are shaped like either a penis or testicles (Except for the Tomato because it’s actually a fruit, but is still shaped like balls. Chuckling! Clapping Hands!) So you in fact stock pile the very thing that you berated the OP about.

  82. Um on August 17th, 2011
  83. Um, anyone can think anything is shaped as genitalia if they are perverse enough. Goodness.

  84. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on August 17th, 2011
  85. Um, you’ve got some seriously fucked up looking testicles if they look like a radish or turnip. You’re an idiot, go away.

  86. DooDoo Face on August 17th, 2011
  87. they look more like unshelled walnuts.

  88. someone on August 17th, 2011
  89. Face don’t be mean. I am almost positive that a turnip, radish, and tomato could all pass as a testicle. They are all basically a round shape. You are probably right about a bell pepper. I would also say that I am far from a idiot, this coming from the person who named themself after shit. Hey good call. Um Winning.

  90. Um on August 17th, 2011
  91. Seemls like I was right and “someone” was wrong… the company when confronted with their own stupidity changed the rule to make sense. Good for them.

  92. The Last Archimedean on August 17th, 2011
  93. you’re still a pussy

  94. someone on August 17th, 2011
  95. If you can forget to lock up the tasty treats, then you are probably bound to forget to lock up customer PHI. Rules iz rules, and you broked them!

  96. Avatar on August 17th, 2011
  97. Once someone calls you a pussy, the argument is over cause there ain’t no coming back from that hit.

  98. Elvis Hitler on August 17th, 2011
  99. Um, think about what you’re saying. If you have radish-shaped testicles, you’re even lamer than I initially pegged you to be.

    Second of all, “DooDoo” is funny, albeit immature. You named yourself after a speech disfluency that annoys people in everyday conversation.

    Finally, you quoted Charlie Sheen. Why? Attempt to be humourous? It’s not. It never was and it’s even less now that he’s no longer the centre of Hollywood attention. So while I may have named myself after shit, at least I did it in the name of being amusing and on my own free will rather than to copy some drug-addicted actor in attempt to insult me. You should probably try to exert more intellectual prowess. I enjoy these sorts of menial arguments.

  100. DooDoo Face on August 17th, 2011
  101. DooDoo Face, you should probably take your arguing elsewhere. Confrontations and the like are a sign of the devil. Calm down, sir.

  102. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  103. Op: The problem here is that the rule was still broken by you when it was a rule. If the speed limit on a road was 40 and you received a ticket for driving 50 on the same road, and eventually DOT came to it’s senses and had the speed limit changed to 50, should you have associated fines and points against your license refunded/removed. I think not. Regurgitator of Albertson’s would NEVER think of violating a rule from the bible, the government or even his employer. You should follow his example.

  104. UrbanPossum on August 17th, 2011
  105. Yes, DooDoo Face must calm down, and change his name. Why would you choose such a name for this world wide website? We do not need attention drawn to our bowel movements, I do not believe Jesus would approve of your vulgarity. Be a gentleman, DooDoo Face, there might very well be women and/or children frequenting this world wide website.

  106. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on August 17th, 2011
  107. While you made a critical error spelling out my name, it is W-A-L-T-E-R-N-A-T-O-R, UrbanPossum, you are correct. We should live by lifes rules, and those set out for us. They are there for a reason, not just so that we can do things how we see fit. I sense that you may be warming to our Christian ways?

  108. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  109. Wow!! What a response!! Someone is arguing shapes of vegetables compared to privates. Seen it all. Don’t be so sensitive.

  110. Um on August 17th, 2011
  111. Hey “Um”, yep, you sure did argue shapes of vegetables:
    “I am almost positive that all of those vegetables that you listed earlier are shaped like either a penis or testicles “

  112. stupid on August 17th, 2011
  113. Um, it is not a matter of sensitivity, but propriety and sensibility.

  114. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on August 17th, 2011
  115. Ummm, Generator for the Albertsons Electrical System, I am not a Christian. I am, as some call it, Jooish. Futher I am a homo. Although I am a firm believer in some of the basic Christian principles, I don’t think I will be getting all that close with Jesus anytime soon unless I run into him at the bike store or home depot. I hope that being an all around good guy although a bit sarcastic, will get me past the pearly gates. I also hope that you and I can be friends. I’d be happy to teach you how to make some awesome matzoh ball soup and gefilta fish.

  116. UrbanPossum on August 17th, 2011
  117. I see stupid already made the point I was going to, for which I thank him. Not only that, you stated that I named myself after shit. I felt the need to retort. How would a proper response have been formulated, Um?

  118. DooDoo Face on August 17th, 2011
  119. Jesus himself was J E W I S H, so I have a fond outlook of that religion. It’s those Jehovah’s and Latter Day Saints I have issue with.

    While I don’t agree with your sexual orientation, I have made the choice to accept those who have a penchant for others of the same sex. The Bible teaches acceptance, and accept I shall.

  120. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  121. The Bible doesn’t say you have to be straight. Men just can’t sleep with other men. Women, the same.

  122. Hey, Walter Would! on August 17th, 2011
  123. Homosexuality is a sin. You are going to Hell, UrbanPossum.

  124. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on August 17th, 2011
  125. Aye, Hey, Walter Would! You are most certainly correct. I have realized from working at Albertson’s with a homosexual person, that sometimes even though I don’t agree with something, I can choose to ignore it or avoid discussing it. It does get difficult on occasion when we’re asked to stock the hot dog bin together; he makes a lot of jokes and comments that I don’t understand, but I feel awkward, so I keep a straight face and just make sure that the hot dog packages line up properly. Oooo, weee!

  126. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on August 17th, 2011
  127. I’ll be your friend UrbanPossum, my favorite bar is a lesbian bar, great service :)

  128. Succubus on August 17th, 2011
  129. Succubus, great service in a lesbian bar? You mean like fist-fucking in bathroom stalls?

  130. Macho Man, the Sexist on August 18th, 2011
  131. They touched weewees!!

  132. DooDoo Face on August 18th, 2011
  133. Unless things have changed since I retired, it is a violation of Federal law to eat through your lunch period. You are legally entitled (read: your boss is required to give you) to a half an hour minimum to eat lunch and two 15 minute breaks a day, if you work 8 hours. This applies to ALL interstate businesses, such as banks, etc.

    A lot of places encourage people to work through, and get away with it because they think the employees don’t know any better – and they don’t. If it suggested to you, just open your eyes really wide and squeak, “But, but, but – that’s against the law!” It works better if you can do it where others can hear you.

    I have no idea how much trouble the employee could get into by doing it voluntarily, but the company can get into a heap of trouble with Uncle if it is ever discovered.

  134. Lady Anne on August 18th, 2011
  135. Just leave. There are better things in life than being a slave.

  136. Jim B on July 20th, 2012

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