My boss gave me a “personal massager” for Christmas. I really don’t
know how to take this. I cannot figure out whether she is really dense
and innocently thought this could work out the tension in my
shoulders, or if she is a closet lesbian who is trying to seduce me.
She’s never given any indication that she’s attracted to me, or that
she’s gay, or that she regularly gifts vibrators to her friends. I
don’t know what to do! Now I’m all self-conscious around her. I’ve
never experimented before. AAAACK! WHAT DO I DO?!
If she gives the same gifts to you as she does her friends, you smile, and think that your boss likes you as a friend. Send her a polite thank you card, and at the end of the card remind her how much your professional relationship means to her.
Try responding to her advances, and if she seems to be attempting to seduce you, go with it. It never hurts to be on, um, “good terms” with the boss.
If she got you a “personal massager” (I mean, even Dr Scholl’s makes one) she may not have meant for you to use it for sexual purposes – Get your mind out of the gutter OP.
If she bought you a sexual vibrator, well, then that’s different and you may want to speak with HR about some inappropriateness in the workplace.
I say go for it.
Yeah, this all hinges on what KIND of massager it was. OP, feel like hopping in here and letting us know? If she’s never shown the slightest indication that she’s not straight, she could still be not-straight; unless you see me with my BF, you wouldn’t guess, either. But there’s still a big chance she really thought of it innocently.
Thanks everybody for the awesome names yesterday! I knew most of those (my friends and I used to make loads of prank phone calls) but there were a few that were new to me. It’s amazing how many people fell for those.
Um, yeah…sometimes a neck massager is just a neck massager.
A shoulder massager is just a should massager.
And sometimes a cigar is just a— no, wait, that’s a dildo.
I am having a difficult time understand the confusion of the story teller. I gave Amy a personal massager for Christmas, she was quite delighted.
Walt, that’s a very thoughtful gift. What kind of massager was it?
Yes, Walt. You didn’t give her one of the phallic ones, did you?
The packaging was quite vague as to the shape, it did not have a picture on the outside. Amy has been rather happy since she opened that package, she has assured me it is wonderful at relieving tension. I am laughing! The satisfaction of giving a woman exactly what she needs is very fulfilling!
Even if you’re doing so indirectly, via a mechanical tool.
Glad she liked it, Walt! For a creepy old man, you can be pretty nice sometimes. Long as the package didn’t call it “the rabbit” or “the dolphin.”
Hey, uh, you work at a Costco in Virginia, right? One of my buddies says he knows a guy at a Costco somewhere in Virginia, apparently he’s a regional manager or similar who’s pretty well-known. You might ask your boss or co-workers if they know the guy. His name is Mike Oksard (nobody ever calls him Michael, they won’t know ‘im if you use his full first name). My buddy says he’s really popular.
Dear lord. I wish someone would give me a massager. My neck hurts like a mother fucker. I’ve been working Sooooo hard. I’ve taken on additional responsibilites and I don’t have time to even see you guys every day.
Zephyr, you’ll like this:
http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/mike_litoris.htm
I was watching the newscast when this came up. His home came *thisclose* to being caught in a fire, but it missed the house.
I’d bet money that’s just the name he gave to the reporter, who didn’t get the joke and just sent it along. My hat’s off to that guy.
My best friend’s first husband was actually named Michael Hunt and he went by Mike. He really is a horrible human being, and deserves the embarrassing moniker.
I know a professor named Richard Seamon. He does not go by Dick.
We used to put Michael Hunt’s name on the waiting list at the bar/restaurant where I bounced / bar backed.
It lightened things up a bit, when we were really swamped and there was a big pile of crabby folks jammed in by the front door.
FOR SALE-
2005 MasturCraft Personal Massage Unit. M18 Kubota diesel powerplant, deluxe tandem-axle travel case. Low hours on recent rebuild. All factory options & many aftermarket accessories. All service records. Death in family forces sale – all offers considered. Reply to comment with inquiries or offers. Interesting trades considered.