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Just Beat It

I worked at my college’s cafeteria a few months back. After we closed
down one day, one of my coworkers was looking for our dishwasher. So
he asks my boss, “Do you know where Mike is?” and her exact words
were, “Oh, he’s out back, beating off the rugs.” My coworker and I
could barely contain ourselves at that point, and it took her a
minute to realize what she’d just said. When she did, she told my
coworker to just go start the dishes till Mike got back. As he was
walking away he asked her, “You want me to beat them off, too?”

33 Comments to Just Beat It

  1. Wow. That was REALLY lame. So, you’re boss said something normal, so you took it in true beavis and butthead mentality and submitted it?
    har dee har har…

  2. brittney on July 29th, 2010
  3. >college

    That’s elementary school level humor. Congrats on growing up.

  4. Herpaderp on July 29th, 2010
  5. tee hee hee, she said ‘beating off’. GROW UP!!!

  6. ATLein on July 29th, 2010
  7. ……and??…..so you guys giggled like a couple of kids at what she said…grow up.

    Sounds like your co-worker is more of an ass then your boss.

  8. Tootles on July 29th, 2010
  9. your point? …….

  10. Nicole on July 29th, 2010
  11. I want to beat your brains off with a baseball bat you fucking retard.

  12. JJF on July 29th, 2010
  13. What are you, 12 years old?

  14. Patrick on July 29th, 2010
  15. How is this funny or terrible boss? This just bad.

  16. MK on July 29th, 2010
  17. Good grief…are you twelve? Lame story.

  18. Shirley on July 29th, 2010
  19. Ha ha Thanks for the laugh! :)

  20. Holls on July 29th, 2010
  21. Dude, grow up.

  22. Dan on July 29th, 2010
  23. College or grammar school? Grow up. Why’d this crap even get published?

  24. Hawk on July 29th, 2010
  25. College? Are you sure it wasn’t 5th grade?

  26. A D Fogg on July 29th, 2010
  27. Grow up.

  28. Jarrad on July 29th, 2010
  29. How is this a crappy boss story….

  30. SGwBT on July 30th, 2010
  31. I laughed so hard at this and then suddenly I had my 13th birthday and grew the fuck up.

  32. Tanker on July 30th, 2010
  33. I don’t know I must be extra slow this morning but I don’t get the “beating the rugs” reference. Can someone please help me by explaining.

  34. connie on July 30th, 2010
  35. @ Connie, the “joke” wasn’t beating the rugs, it was beating OFF the rugs. Implying the one guy was jerking off the rugs, giving them a hand job, whatever. A little difficult to explain, but basically “sexual” (best way I can describe it) humour that’s funny when you’re 13 and immature when you’ve grown up.

  36. pixie on July 30th, 2010
  37. @ connie – “beating off”. Think about it.

    @ the original poster – immature much?

  38. Donkey Puncher on July 30th, 2010
  39. @Connie.

    Sometimes vacuuming a rug doesn’t get all the dirt out. If it’s a small rug (at an entrance doorway, say), you can drape the rug over a clothesline, or maybe a fence and “beat” it with something. The dust will come flying out.

    Housewives used to do this WAY BACK, there was even a traditional “rug beater” tool (google that, with the quotes) that was used.

  40. ron on July 30th, 2010
  41. Connie- “Beating Off” is a euphemism for masturbation.

  42. Kyaa on July 30th, 2010
  43. Stop wasting my time, fuckwads.

    And Connie…if you’re not kidding, you’re just as fucking dumb.

  44. ChaKnowWhat? on July 30th, 2010
  45. I suppose it’s infinitely more mature to call someone a “retard” and a “fuckwad”, then tell them to “grow the fuck up”. *golf clap*

  46. Raze on July 31st, 2010
  47. ChaKnowWhat?, perhaps Connie isn’t American or English isn’t her native language? You’re a fucking idiot for assuming everyone with a net connection would know what your euphemisms mean. Fucking Americans.

  48. 098745673 on July 31st, 2010
  49. @Ron – you’re worst than this story! I cannot believe you felt the need to google this and then you came on the site to write about it. I rather read this story again than to ever read another comment from you. Crawl up a small space and die!

  50. JusTheTruff on July 31st, 2010
  51. Oh come on ….

    Suddenly all of the commentators have aged into very mature adults who are above any silly type of humour!

    Seriously now, if any of you have jobs I wonder how many would actually have a giggle at this type of situation when it happened? I know I would be one of the ones laughing!

  52. Layla on July 31st, 2010
  53. Actually, Connie, I had to email my *grandkids* to find out what this was all about. I hadn’t a clue, either. Don’t feel bad. We grownups have to stick together.

  54. Lady Anne on August 1st, 2010
  55. “Immaturity is wasted on the youth.” Fuck being grown up, that was mildly funny and I would have chortled as well.

  56. doomy on August 1st, 2010
  57. Connie, the “beating off the rugs” was referring to the perfectly normal part of a rug’s life where it wants to experiment by beating off and getting beat off by the employee. Its ok for the rug to want to try new things.

  58. tex on August 1st, 2010
  59. @ Layla & doomy
    I would’ve laughed at the “beating off” expression if it was a different situation…and have; it’s the fact that it was about rugs that made it not funny for me. My immaturity is still immature, just a little more mature than this ;)

  60. pixie on August 1st, 2010
  61. *snicker*

  62. Temp Ted on August 2nd, 2010
  63. Oh look at Layla…still trying to insult people by trying to suggest none of us have jobs. Dumb bitch.

  64. stupid on August 3rd, 2010
  65. If I was their boss I’d roll my eyes and tell them to get back to work, then giggle in my office. But it’s the sort of thing that isn’t funny if you aren’t there.

  66. Sandy on November 10th, 2010

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