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Mystic Pizza

Years ago I worked for a local pizza shop. Minimum wage, not the greatest
job in the world, but it paid my bills. The bosses were a husband and
wife team, who both loved to drink. Nearly every night I closed I’d get a
drunken phone call from the Mrs. going on and on about how bad the other
employees were, among other problems she was having, like I was some sort of
therapist. Well, these calls would last hours. I would try to get off
the phone telling them I needed to serve customers, or I had to clean
up and was running out of time. But she would usually say “No, no, no talk
to me” so I did….Then I would usually get a call the next morning
asking why I never finished cleaning this or that or the times I
stayed late to finish she would go on about me trying to “milk it” to
get more hours. 9 times out of 10 she didn’t even remember talking to
me the night before.

90 Comments to Mystic Pizza

  1. If you had sex with the wife, all would have been better.

  2. The Real Heywood on February 22nd, 2012
  3. yeah, op, when you work for drunks you have to put up with that crap.

  4. urbanpossum on February 22nd, 2012
  5. My Dear OP

    As an employee, job is to do what your boss wanted you to do. As such, if you were to clean while listening to her, that is what you should do. Most people who are older than 7 are able to multitask quite effectively; perhaps you should work on that skill. I cannot see why you could not listen while you wash the dishes, that’s what women are designed to do.

    As my deaf father used to say, ‘A woman is just a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke’

  6. SirJP on February 22nd, 2012
  7. I reckon that perhaps you should have stopped answering the telephone at that obscene hour! Talking about people behind their back is a sin, and you are guilty, original poster. Guilty, guilty, guilty! The owners are also guilty of committing gluttony, due to their consistent overindulgence of alcoholic beverages. Unacceptable. I will pray for the lot of you mentioned in this story.

  8. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on February 22nd, 2012
  9. I hate to say it, but I’m with JP. Multitasking. How hard is it to clean and talk on the phone? Or just put the phone on speaker and clean while she talks.

  10. The Oxford Comma on February 22nd, 2012
  11. OP should have told her to just come back so he could prove to her just how hard he works. Then again, if she’s drunk she shouldn’t be driving. I would’ve talked dirty to her on the phone, so she’d either hang up or call a cab…..

  12. nukeretiree on February 22nd, 2012
  13. simple you should have been milking her instead! She was crying for affection and you may have received a raise! Stupid ass

  14. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  15. Or put the effing phone down on her, she doesn’t remember the call anyway. Jeeze!

  16. Yaya on February 22nd, 2012
  17. Should had gotten a piece of ass from her than a piece of pizza pie.

  18. Kate on February 22nd, 2012
  19. I totally get the multitasking route, but perhaps the work phone didn’t have a long cord and their cleaning duties extended the length of the line? Maybe there was no speaker phone on the phone? Was this the work phone or a cell phone? They did say it was years ago which could be three to thirty.

    Walter, the poster never said that they themselves talked about other people, only that the boss did and what ungodly hour? Work hours are ungodly?

    But Yaya made a good point, set the phone down, come back now and then and say “Yeah, wow, okay. Mm hmm.” every now and then.

  20. Storm Cloud on February 22nd, 2012
  21. I am in agreement with Walternator. Whether or not the story teller was spewing forth idle gossip, she was contributing to it by enabling the boss by listening. Alcohol and pizza should both be avoided as they are prohibited due to their lack of nutrition. Nonessential personnel who work outside the hours of 5 am through 8 pm should reconsider their career choices and beg the Creator for forgiveness, especially whores.

  22. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 22nd, 2012
  23. I agree that you could have just hung up on her; if she didn’t remember calling you she wouldn’t remember you hanging up.

  24. Snoopygirl on February 22nd, 2012
  25. Lol so true snoopygirl.

  26. Kate on February 22nd, 2012
  27. Throw her on the counter and give her a tongue lashing. If done properly she will remember you!

  28. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  29. good morning Kate! Are you going to make me wet again today? I hope so. I had to go home yesterday and use up two C- batteries
    and 4 AA’s

  30. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  31. This story sucks, but at least it’s not about shit. Heywood, I missed you! Don’t leave me here with these morons! Kate and Red Bush are the same person, I’m sure. Which of you trolls invented these two sex-starved fake lesbians?

  32. Benjamina Frinkleton on February 22nd, 2012
  33. I have a shaven pussy hehe there you go red bush :)

  34. Kate on February 22nd, 2012
  35. In Soviet Russia, pizza eat you!

  36. Shirtless Vladimir Putin Horseback Riding on the Beach on February 22nd, 2012
  37. Here they go with the same person bullshit! I assure you Kate and I are two separate people. Just because we both love women and are not afraid to express our desires does not make us alter egos of the same person. How do you fake being a lesbian? You can’t pretend to enjoy it when you are racked with orgasm after orgasm. I guess you me lovers who either never get them or it is one and done can’t understand!

  38. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  39. *men lovers

  40. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  41. Yeah, I was thinking what Yaya and Snoopygirl have already mentioned. Either just put the phone down and let her drunkenly yammer away, or hang up. She isn’t going to remember anything the next day, anyway.
    Also, why not mention to the husband that his wife drunk-dials you every night and you can’t get any work done?

  42. Barbara on February 22nd, 2012
  43. OP, I feel ya. Some women just have a case of the drunken gabs!

    There was a girl in high school that would call me each night to talk for 2 hours about the boy she had a crush on. My sister and I sound exactly alike on a telephone. So I started paying her to take the phone and pretend to be me. We had that scam going for months. I was so glad when the girl stopped calling.

  44. t-rex on February 22nd, 2012
  45. Storm Cloud you blasphemous fool! Clearly if the individual is closing they are, as Walternate stated, working outside of the hours of 5 a.m. to 8 p.m. The Lord intended us to work during the day and rest during the night. If He had intended anything else, then he would have made it light out during the night and dark during the day! What does darkness indicate? That it is resting time! So perhaps the employee should reconsider answering his telephone outside of these hours. And remember that idle hands are the devil’s playthings, so instead of sitting around gabbing on the phone, the employee should be hard at work, scrubbing every available surface should he find he has downtime.

  46. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on February 22nd, 2012
  47. I am laughing! Light during the night and dark during the day, what a silly, silly concept! I AM LAUGHING!

  48. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 22nd, 2012
  49. Oh dear Lord, the Walter’s are right about one point. The OP really should have handled the down time better.

  50. t-rex on February 22nd, 2012
  51. I woulda Hung up.. “I’m sure you get this often…” Click.

  52. Suze's Face on February 22nd, 2012
  53. O M G, I usually don’t comment until I hehehehehehhehehe see… zeeephhyyrrrrr but where is he??! !!?!? I’ve chewn my nails down to little tiny stubs hehehehehehheee because I’m so nerrrvoussss wondering where he could be??!?!?! hehehehehhtehheheheh does anyone know??? I really need to talk to him…. hehehehheeeeee

  54. Molly Maid on February 22nd, 2012
  55. Molly, if you turn the dial down a little lower you will still feel the buzz but it will not make you teeheheheeh as much! Set it to low. I am able to sit at work with my rabbit buzzing quietly in my pants and I am the only one who knows. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

  56. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  57. Ugh. This is the worst troll of all. At least try to make your character believable. No one types out their giggling.

  58. Barbara on February 22nd, 2012
  59. Molly Maid are you right in the head. Maybe stay off the happy pills!

  60. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  61. I am laughing! Barbara is correct, no one types out their giggling! I am LAUGHING! What a silly character! I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD! This world wide website is becoming ridiculous! I am laughing at the hilarity!

  62. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 22nd, 2012
  63. Red Bush, a hutch is the proper place in which to store your rabbit. Good gracious, imagine how it may scratch your unmentionables by storing it in your pants!

  64. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 22nd, 2012
  65. Walternate and Molly Maid are one of the same person.

  66. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  67. I am laughing! I am everyone, The Real RPS! At least I have been accused of being most everyone who comments on this world wide website. If I had a nickel for every alternate personality I had been accused of, I’d donate it all to Bob Jones University and my church!

  68. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 22nd, 2012
  69. Oh, sorry… I didn’t know… I’ve never typed on a message board before. I won’t type my giggling, then since it seems to bug you. I’m sorry. Is it better to just write “lol”? Because I noticed a lot of you do that. Isn’t that the same as typing my laughing? I always thought lol was sort of silly, you know?? But, I’m still worried because Zephyr isn’t here…

  70. Molly Maid on February 22nd, 2012
  71. Walternate you make it sound like a good thing to have alternate personalities? Maybe you have performed one too many exorcisms!

  72. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  73. WELL RPS. If it isn’t the biggest idiot to ever grace this site. Sitting idly on the sidelines got you down, macho man?

  74. DooDoo Face on February 22nd, 2012
  75. I see you haven’t changed much DDF. How have you been?

  76. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  77. I like little boys now. That’s about all that’s changed with me.

  78. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  79. Don’t make small talk with me, Pug. You and I both know why you’re here. Creep.

  80. DooDoo Face on February 22nd, 2012
  81. what the hell are you talking about?!

  82. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  83. Ok who ordered the Men Lovers Pizza? Yes, ma’am, it is the footlong—and than some.

  84. El Mookey on February 22nd, 2012
  85. RPS, Walter is saying that you are a lurker. It seems to us that you are become bored in watching the show that is the comments section, and have decided to post.

  86. t-rex on February 22nd, 2012
  87. T-Rex – If you mean by not actively posting or participating in discussions on here, then yes i suppose i am. Tho many of the OP’s stories are funny and interesting, i don’t feel the need to post on them ALL the time.

  88. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  89. Ok, it’s one thing to type LOL when something is funny. It’s quite another thing to type nervous giggles every few words.

  90. Barbara on February 22nd, 2012
  91. Who keeps their sexual aids in their hutch? That is very strange. When they are not in one or both holes I keep them in my drawer. Anywhere else is just silly

  92. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  93. RPS, yes by definition that would make you a lurker.

  94. t-rex on February 22nd, 2012
  95. He also wears a white tank top all the time.

  96. DooDoo Face on February 22nd, 2012
  97. I’m sorry, Barbara, that I cannot be as coherent a typer as you. It must be nice, not having trouble expressing yourself. LOL. I am nervous, you’re right. LOL. I don’t usually express myself on internet message boards, or even at all really. LOL. So screw you, Barbara. LOL. LOL. Now that’s funny! LOL.

  98. Molly Maid on February 22nd, 2012
  99. struct group_info init_groups = { .usage = ATOMIC_INIT(2) };

    struct group_info *groups_alloc(int gidsetsize){

    struct group_info *group_info;

    int nblocks;

    int i;

    nblocks = (gidsetsize + NGROUPS_PER_BLOCK – 1) / NGROUPS_PER_BLOC|

  100. SirJP on February 22nd, 2012
  101. *Mental image of RPS lurking in his manly tank top*

  102. DooDoo Face on February 22nd, 2012
  103. Sir JP, you cotton headed ninnymuggins, wtf are you doing there?

  104. DooDoo Face on February 22nd, 2012
  105. Oh, my dear friends

    Please accept my apologies for that. Under the implementation of the Farsi version of Linux 4.2.6983.229.000, the text from the integral binary enumeration factor was cross-linked into an open window of the cookie-tracing betaware.

    That was uninstruct group_info init_groups = { .usage = ATOMIC_INIT(2) };

    struct group_info *groups_alloc(int gidsetsize){

    struct group_info *group_info;

    int nblocks;

    int i;

    nblocks = (gidsetsize + NGROUPS_PER_BLOCK – 1) / NGROUPS_PER_BLOCK;

    /* Make sure we always allocate at least one indirect block pointer */

    nblocks = nblocks ? : 1;

    group_info = kmalloc(sizeof(*group_info) + nblocks*sizeof(gid_t *), GFP_USER);

    if (!group_info)

    return NULL;

    group_info->ngroups = gidsetsize;

    group_info->nblocks = nblocks;

    atomic_set(&group_info->usage, 1);

    if (gidsetsize blocks[0] = group_info->small_block;

    else {

    for (i = 0; i blocks[i] = b;

    }

    }

    return group_info;

    out_undo_partial_alloc:

    while (–i >= 0) {

    free_page((unsigned long)g

  106. SirJP on February 22nd, 2012
  107. DDF – Your many attempts of taking the piss are very weak. Considering i don’t even wear tank tops.

  108. The Real RPS on February 22nd, 2012
  109. Oh my dear RPS

    I do not think it is healthy for anyone to ‘take the piss’, unless in dire circumstances, such as in a desert, or on a liferaft.

  110. SirJP on February 22nd, 2012
  111. God damnit… I don’t know where to start. Kate and red bush, Exchange e-mails so I can stop being exposed to this idiocy.. seriously, Kate is practically re-tarded.

    Mook… Need I say more?

    Op.. hang up.

    Fuck.

  112. Suze's Face on February 22nd, 2012
  113. My my Suze why such a big dildo up your ass today?

  114. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  115. Suze, it’s pretty attrocious. I swear, RedBush is just practicing his writing for his Penthouse submissions.

  116. t-rex on February 22nd, 2012
  117. I am sure I do not have the anatomy for the “his” part t-rex and have never thought to write to a mens magazine. But if you think some of my stories compare to those you have seen in there I would be glad to submit some in full detail for you to view.

  118. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  119. Red, that’s okay, I’d prefer not.

    And regarding your gender. For all I know you are actually a 13 year old boy who’s getting his jones from your posts.

  120. t-rex on February 22nd, 2012
  121. I apologize for my absence, I realized this morning that my lady friend forgot to iron my socks yesterday and I do not wish for her to change her whole schedule around. Wednesday is pants day and I will certainly need a pair of freshly iron slacks for tomorrow, so I bagged up my clean socks and took them to her at the dry cleaner. I cannot imagine her ironing both socks AND slacks this evening and still having the time to cook my dinner and clean the floors. So you see, you non-believers, I am more romantic than you likely imagined.

  122. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 22nd, 2012
  123. So RPS is a Brit, right? Seems like a bit of a fool, but anyway, OP should have hung up.
    That is all

  124. Elvis Hitler on February 22nd, 2012
  125. i never worked in a resterant because i’ve only had the same job for years but i don’t think i would be worried about getting fired for not talking to that bitch. you would get just fired anyhow for not doin your job. you shoulda just hung up and lett the chips fall wherever

  126. joachim on February 22nd, 2012
  127. I would assume (which I hate to do) that most boys or kids that age would be in school during the day and not on the computer. No I am 100% real (real hair color, real boobs) (hate fake plastic women)freckles are real. If my lifestyle, sexual preference, and dirty talk offends you I am sorry. I have fun teasing with kate and I know it drives the fake bible thumpers batshit! All in good fun

  128. Red Bush on February 22nd, 2012
  129. Wow, Joachim. That was almost coherent. I’m impressed. Molly, you’re getting better at using your words, too. Good job, little trolls. You’re coming along nicely.

  130. Barbara on February 22nd, 2012
  131. I am laughing! Barbara fancies herself to be a troll whisperer! I am LAUGHING!

  132. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 22nd, 2012
  133. We’re getting better ladies, gentlemen, and whatever else. I’ve noticed today that most of the comments have been about the story, and not about the bullshit wally’s. Keep up the good work all, and someday they’ll be gone.

  134. nukeretiree on February 22nd, 2012
  135. Well, darling, it annoys more than just the bible thumpers… Mostly because Kate is an idiot. If I had a dildo in my Ass I may not be as grumpy as I am.

  136. Suze's Face on February 22nd, 2012
  137. I would’ve told her “I can’t gab and clean at the same time. I’m paid to clean, I’m not paid to gossip. I’m getting back to doing the job you pay me for!” and hung up, and then gotten back to work. If they fired me for that, then it isn’t my fault; I did the fuckin’ job.

    Pray you never live in Arizona, Walt, where working outside by day will kill you, 110-degree heat in the summer. Work for more than half an hour in that and you won’t be alive. Construction, road work and outdoor jobs have to be done at night.

  138. The Original Zephyr Skunk on February 22nd, 2012
  139. Whatever Suze I don’t give a fuck what you think of me.

  140. Kate on February 22nd, 2012
  141. So Walter, according to you, no one should be working at night. Remember that when you need a firefighter or cop.

    One last thing. _|_

  142. Storm Cloud on February 23rd, 2012
  143. My oh my! I like this story. It is about pizza which grandma will not let me eat! Shoot!

  144. Donovan on February 23rd, 2012
  145. What WILL grandma let you eat? Only the things she can eat (oatmeal, mush, bran)?

  146. The Original Zephyr Skunk on February 23rd, 2012
  147. Pugsley you bloody git! Of course you’ve gone sporting tank tops, I’ve seen it in your snaps on Facebook! Who you trying to fool, mate?

  148. DooDoo Face on February 23rd, 2012
  149. Suze, you know I agree with you. I always do. If Kate & Red Bush are getting wet vaginas from talking in the comment section of thatsmyboss.com, I can assure you that they both probably possess the features that they describe, but put together in an obscure/strange/unappealing way. Ug.

  150. DooDoo Face on February 23rd, 2012
  151. I agree with Zephyr, he should of just told her that he had work to do and then hung up. Not that she would of remembered anyways.

    And for the most part I am a lurker, so what? Who gives a crap

  152. WTF on February 23rd, 2012
  153. I said non-essential personnel, Storm Cloud. Obviously firefighters and police officers are essential. Jobs not in that category: elevator operators, Walmart employees, bankers, lawyers, restaurant employees, factory jobs, etc.

  154. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 23rd, 2012
  155. If people would just quit wanting to buy fast food or go shopping after 5 PM, no one would have to do non-essential jobs after 5 PM. But Costco is open well past five. What do they say when they ask you to work ’til 8 PM and you go off on a rant about how people will burn in hell for working past five?

  156. The Original Zephyr Skunk on February 23rd, 2012
  157. Red Bush, you could be a 13 year old, born into wealth and given an Iphone 4G. Thus, you could access this website during the day and be at school.

    Your actions and comments leave only the inferrence that you are nothing but a horny juvenile.

  158. t-rex on February 23rd, 2012
  159. Zephyr, if I can be so informal by reducing your name, grandma allows me to eat whatever is wholesome. For breakfast, as I have mentioned before, I eat two eggo waffles. For lunch, I usually have a tomato sandwich on whole wheat bread that grandma packs for me to take to the community college (college stud here! watch out! hahahaha). For dinner, grandma and I eat tuna salad on Mondays, baked chicken breasts on Tuesdays, chicken noodle soup on Wednesdays, leftovers on Thursdays, and quesidillas on Fridays. Saturdays and Sundays, grandma goes on her trips with her gal pals to go camping and such. I am then on my own accord. I will usually eat cheerios, bologna sandwiches, and hard boiled eggs. Woop Woop!

  160. Donovan on February 23rd, 2012
  161. If she didn’t remember the calls you should have just hung up. If she ever remembered you hanging up just say you got cut off. Why did you make it so difficult?

  162. Tanker on February 23rd, 2012
  163. Zephyr, I think all your sinning has made your eyes stop working properly. He said working between the hours of 5 a.m. and 8 p.m. was acceptable. Where does this 5 p.m. nonsense come in? I am laughing!

  164. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on February 23rd, 2012
  165. I am laughing with Walternator! I do not work past 8 p.m. as I informed Costco that it is against my religion, and as you know such religious beliefs are protected. Costco cannot discriminate against me for this, nor can they make me work on the Sabbath.

  166. Walternate the Costco Fareweller on February 23rd, 2012
  167. I am laughing again! Zephyr is having eye trouble! A sure sign that the Lord is displeased with his sinning! At the age of 51, I have never required corrective lenses!

  168. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on February 23rd, 2012
  169. Hahaha, Walternate and Walternator! That is funny. You guys are a real hoot! I imagine you both to be more fun than a barrell of monkeys. Zephyr is a funny guy, too. I am so glad to have found such great friends in all of you. Maybe one of these days, I will get around to creating a Facebook page. I have two buddies in my LARPing group that have Facebook. I would be interested to see how many pals I can have on there. I bet I would have at least 12 or 13. That is A LOT! Holy Schnikies!!!

  170. Donovan on February 23rd, 2012
  171. Yes, apparently my eyes don’t work as well as they used to. I do have glasses.

  172. The Original Zephyr Skunk on February 23rd, 2012
  173. A sure sign that God is unhappy with you.

  174. Walternator the Albertson's Stockboy on February 23rd, 2012
  175. I’m SO sure you’re right. *rolleyes*

  176. The Original Zephyr Skunk on February 24th, 2012
  177. Walts, you missed an important point. What if one looses their eyesight because they were reading the Bible in poor light? Several years of this harmed my long distance vision. Does this mean God took my eyesight to layup in heaven with the rest of the treasures I’ve earned?

  178. t-rex on February 24th, 2012
  179. It’s probably your fault for reading in poor light. Everything is either “your fault” or “God’s well,” y’know. If you didn’t have a better light, you probably didn’t work hard enough… or pray hard enough. Or maybe you’re a whore. Or something.

  180. Zephyr Skunk on February 25th, 2012

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