The English Teacher

My boss regularly corrects her staff in public on grammar and proper
use of the English language. Her mother was an English teacher, so
she feels it gives her the right to belittle and correct. Often times
it is corrected to such detail that even the font used in email (Arial
instead of Times New Roman)or the use of a question mark when she does
not feel the question was properly formulated. Most recently, the
entire staff received the following communication to help us to make
sure our use of nouns, pronouns and proper nouns are accurate when
emailing within our group. You would think she was educating middle
school students, not a group of college educated adults.

Good afternoon,

Because I want to make you all better people, including your speaking
and writing skills, below is a little tutorial on pronoun use. I’ve
noticed a lot of errors in email recently with people using “I”
instead of “me”. I know it was drilled into some of our heads
when we were younger to always use “I”, but that is simply not
the case. There are 2 basic sets of pronouns and they cannot be
interchanged (another lesson; cannot is most appropriately spelled
out as 1 word, not 2)

Subjective pronouns
I
You
He
She
They
We (plural)

Objective pronouns
Me
You
Him
Her
Them
Us (plural)

Objective pronouns are always used after a proposition – example:
between, with, for, just – or as the object of a sentence or
statement.

The best test to know if you are using either I or Me correctly is to
see if it makes sense to say it by itself or to insert the plural form
of the pronoun.

For example, “Between you and I”
Test: “Between we”? Nope.
“Between us” Yes!
Therefore, “Between you and me” is the correct answer.

Another example, “It’s just you and I”
Test: “It’s just I”? Nope.
“It’s just me.” Yes!
Therefore, “It’s just you and me” is the correct answer.

In addition, you don’t ever mix the two pronoun sets. If you say
“her”, then you need to say “me” or if you say “She” you
need to say “I”. Keep subject pronouns with subjective and
objective pronouns with objective.
Incorrect – Her and I (Her is objective and I is subjective –
don’t mix the 2)
Correct – Her and me or She and I
Correct use in a sentence:
“She and I will meet you at 4pm” (In this case, “She and I”
are the subjects of the sentence and “you” is the object)
“When you send that could you please include her and me?” (In
this case, “you” is the subject of the sentence and “her and
me” are the objects – hence the name subjective and objective
pronouns).

The above tests also work in this instance. For example, you would
never say “Her will meet you at 4pm” or “When you send that
could you please include I”.
Or test it with using the plural form of the pronoun.
“We will meet you there at 4pm”
“When you send that could you please include us?”
(you would not say “Us will meet you there at 4pm” nor would you
say “When you send that could you please include we?”

It’s all about knowing which pronouns are subjective and which are
objective. There are only 6 in each and 1 is the same in each, so I
know you can memorize it.

I hope none of you takes offense to this, as it is purely meant as a
learning tool. I also hope you aren’t thinking “man, doesn’t
she have better things to do?”. No, I don’t, because making you
better in ALL areas is part of being a leader.

Thank you,
Your Boss

VIII

This is a story about a co-worker who is in charge of other
co-workers. I’m in the Army. As a NonCommissioned Office (NCO) we have
to give our subordinate soldiers a monthly counselling. My Co-Worker,
I’ll call him SGT. Smith (not his real name), was doing the monthly
counseling for his soldiers when he asked me: “Hey, how do you type
Roman numerals?”

The funny part isn’t so much he couldn’t figure it out for himself as
I have to remind him EVERY MONTH!!!

Mini Vacation

I have been working in the IT field for the past 14 years, but only
once have had a female boss. She is still the best boss I have ever
had and a great friend. The following story happen in 2007. I got
scheduled to go install equipment for a customer. For the longest
time every employee got a daily bonus for installing the equipment at
customer’s sites. But a week before I was scheduled to install the
equipment, the company decided that they will stop paying the bonus.
My boss pleaded with the highers up to pay me the bonus as when the
work got accepted the bonus was still in effect, but upper management
didn’t budged. I was looking forward to having a little extra on my
paycheck as I was working my way out of debut, but the bonus didn’t
happen. My boss, being a wise lady and a great person, decided on her
own to make it up to me for the money I missed. So I finished my job
in 3 days and she found excuses for me to stay a full week at the job
site using the company’s money to pay for hotel, meals and my time
“working”. But the best part was that the site where I was doing the
install was in the city of Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. I
ended up with a mini vacation in exchange for a bonus, and upper
management never learned the truth.

Cleveland Steamer

I used to work as a cook in a hospital kitchen when I was in college.
I was a little late from school one day and was in a hurry to get my
food up to the mid-day tray-line to serve patients. In this hurry, I
purged the steamer, but didn’t realize the dang thing had one more
burst of steam in it. Yes, right on my hand. Let me tell you only burn
worse than steam is grease.

I struggled through service with my hand in a bucket of ice water,
knowing if I left right then there was no one to take my place. Yes I
know it was my own fault, but after we were done I asked to go up to
the ER and have my hand taken care of (at my own expense) and my boss
refused. Like an idiot I put up with it for two hours not being able
to take my hand out of ice water. When I asked again to leave I was
told no.

Well I didn’t care at that point. I marched my behind into the ER
room and had my second degree burn treated. They asked me why I had
waited so long to go into the ER and told them my boss wouldn’t let
me.

She never made that mistake again. She was written up by HR and was
told if she with held medical treatment from one of her staff again
she would be terminated.