Ginger

My supervisor, let’s call her Suze, is obsessed with her cat. She is
CONSTANTLY showing everyone pictures of her orange cat, “Ginger,” and
recounting stories of his shenanigans, like the time she was baking a
cake and he jumped on the kitchen counter and shit in the flour while
she was out of the room. She read a news story recently about people
in India marrying animals, so she is saving up her money to take a
trip to India to marry her precious Ginger.

Dirty Talk

About ten years ago I was working at a telephone research outfit, one
of those places that calls people randomly and conducts surveys. One
of the supervisors was really hot and so I started sleeping with him.
I know, bad idea, but I’m a slut so what can you do? So the job of the
supervisors is not only to process the data from the surveys we
conducted, but also to monitor our calls to make sure we stayed
on-script and kept the calls within the time limits. He would listen
in on my calls and start talking dirty to me. Of course the person
doing the survey could only hear my voice, but I had to pretend like
everything was normal, asking questions like, “How do you rate your
telephone provider on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is very bad and 10 is
the best?” while I listened to him talk about sucking my toes and
fucking my brains out. Sometimes after those phone calls we would have
to take a break and have a quickie in his car. It was pretty hot.

Memory Lapse

My boss has a habit of oversharing. Waaaay oversharing. He recently
split up with his girlfriend. Again. One day he came in my office and
was explaining to me how she cheated on him and how her behavior was
erratic and unpredictable and so on. After which, he immediately asked
me if we had slept together … because he couldn’t remember.

I’m happily married, 20 years younger than him, not even remotely
interested, and never even been in a situation where that would even
be possible. All I could do was pick my chin up off the floor and say
no while trying not to vomit at the idea.

Yo Quiero Taco Bell

I have to admit, I have a bit of a crush on my boss, “K.” See, he’s
very attractive and dresses well and I sense a bit of chemistry
between us. Recently, he started bringing his Chihuahua to work and it
has put a real crimp in my designs to seduce him. This Chihuahua,
“Jose Cuervo,” has the WORST gas of any dog I have ever met in my
life. It’s almost like he waits until I enter the room then he starts
letting them rip. Sometimes they are audible! I really wish the boss
would stop bringing that damn dog to work so we can get down to
business.