Occupy Wall Street

I work as a police officer in a mid-sized town in the Midwest.
Thankfully it’s a fairly conservative community, but in recent years a
small enclave of hippies has formed. They caused a little bit of
trouble while Bush was President, protesting the war and whatnot, but
not enough that we had to intervene. Now with the Occupy Wall Street
nonsense going on, they have found a hippie cause to throw themselves
at and they’ve started camping in the city park. At our daily briefing
a few weeks back the Chief was informing us of the “Occupy” group in
our community. While the hippies weren’t yet doing anything illegal,
we were instructed to keep an eye on them and immediately arrest
anyone who did so much as think of littering. If they resisted arrest
in any way, shape, or form the Chief told us to whack them in the
crotch with our nightsticks. Ha! She’s the best boss ever!

Go Fish

I work as a fishmonger. My boss was great, but he sold the business a
few weeks back and the new boss can’t tell a cod from a crappie. He
spent two hours on a fishing boat and thinks that he learned all he
needs to know to succeed in this business. Work starts at 3 am. The
boss rolls in around 8 and can’t figure out why we all start leaving
around 11. He got upset when the crew would toss the fish down the
line rather than walking individual fish across the warehouse, which
by the way is not only a time-honored tradition, but also the most
efficient way of transporting the product from one end of the building
to the other. He yelled at us to stop but we just kept going, so he
stepped directly into the path of a tossed fish. I still laugh
thinking about that halibut slapping him to the floor. I’d be
surprised if he lasts through the holidays.

The Extended Weekend

Our company has a VERY strict policy concerning Thanksgiving and the
Friday after.

No one is allowed to work on Thanksgiving or the Friday after it
because it is one of the few paid holidays we get.

Signs have been posted since Halloween stating this, and explaining
that anyone working Friday will be in violation of company policy.

There are no workers in the factory, no cleaning staff, we do not even
schedule parcel and shipping delivery or pick up on the Friday after.

Knowing that, I went out of town to visit my parents and family for
the holiday this year.

I arrive home today (Saturday) to find 9 messages on my home answering
machine.

Seven of them were my boss from 8 am to 11 am on Friday asking where I
was, where everyone else was, and why wasn’t I taking her calls?

Apparently, no one has explained the policy to my boss yet.

More Meat

My high school job was at Subway and I had worked there for two years
before we got a new manager. He started not knowing how to properly
slice the bread which left me with a bad first impression. He did many
things that irked me and I always tried to leave it alone and just do
my job.

One day a group of teens came in after a sporting event. Being
the pervert that he is, he starting talking about the girls and how
he would love to “get some of that.” Him and the others working at the
time were telling me to talk to one of the girls. I simply said that I liked girls
with some meat on their bones.

Later that day I was prepping for the next shift and he came up and asked me
with a very perverted voice, “So what kind of meat do you like?” I looked at him
and just walked away. He was later fired for being caught with his
pants down in the cooler.