Hush Hush

My boss is one of those “big baby” types, a terrible type of boss to
have because he takes it very personally if you don’t give him
constant compliments or lick his butt. You can perform your job like a
prodigy and make killer numbers, avoid any mistakes, show up on time
and be respected by your peers like I do, but forget to compliment him
on his tie and you get sat down and told “Your work is fine, but you
are just not fitting into the culture.”

When I was rather new and had only been there 4 months, I was taken
into the office at Christmas and was given a bonus check. I didn’t
really think I deserved it, having not been there long but I took it.
I was told “Don’t tell anyone, because not everyone got one.” Okay,
kind of a dick move on his part, but okay. Well, a year goes by. Now
my work is measurable, the impact of it is positive, the organization
has had a better year than last thanks largely in part to my work..and
wouldn’t you know it? No bounus. I managed to get a co-worker to admit
that he got one, so that means this year I am on the “don’t tell”
list, despite having made at least 9 times as much money for the
company as I had when I got the bonus last year. Not that I needed the
money, but it is a slap in the face..one of many. They don’t HAVE to
give me a bonus, I get that..but why give it to me last year when I
was new and not this year when I have contributed to the profits?

Missed Calls

I work as a receptionist, and have been with my company about 6 years
or so. Some of the processes we follow today are extremely different
from how they were done when I started, but some things haven’t
changed very much, if at all.

One of the things that hasn’t changed much is how we handle phone
calls. We answer the phone, and then put the caller on hold while we
page the person they’ve requested. The person remains on hold for
about 30-45 seconds, and if the call is’t picked up, it rings back to
reception. We then offer the caller the option of a re-page or
message. If it rings back a second time, we take a message if the
caller wants to leave one.

Today, one of my managers missed a call that went down as per usual,
but the caller chose not to leave a message. He is prone to randomized
exaggerations, and this was today’s gem:

He says to me, “You know, you should just take a message the first
time it rings back, because 99% of the time people just get annoyed
and hang up.” I was surprised, as no one else has said anything of the
sort throughout my time here. I told him as much, and he got snippy,
telling me how it “constantly happened”, and how I need to do my job
better. I was miffed, but told him I would only page once and then
take a message instead.

Later that day he got another call, and I only paged once as per his
request. Sure enough, he stormed over to my desk and lectured me
because he had been on his way to the phone and I should have just
paged him again. After all, “That’s the way it’s been done for
years!”

My head still hurts from repeatedly bashing it on my desk.

Pete

My boyfriend has a boss, we’ll call him “Pete” (not his real name, but
it makes the story more interesting). If Pete was poor, people would
say he’s crazy, but because he has money he’s “eccentric”. I have a
hard time, while listening to his stories, trying to discern if any of
it is true. Of all of his craziness, the strangest two things about
him are his peg leg and glass eye. Now, I know what you’re thinking: a
peg leg?! Nobody in 2011 has a peg leg! And a glass eye? What is this
guy, an 18th century pirate?! No, he’s not a pirate, but he is
definitely a strange man. He likes to tell people a fantastical story
about how he lost his leg. He says it happened on a trip he took to
Florida. While in a bar (not just any ordinary bar, but a rough and
tumble bar frequented by biker gangs and backwoods hillbillies) he
strikes up a conversation with a mulletted man who appears to be the
product of incest. Mullet-man goes by the name of Billy-Bob. Billy-Bob
has a friend, Bubba, who runs a sort of a tourist business with his
cousin, Jimbo. Gator wrasslin’. So our friend Pete, being the nutjob
that he is, decides right then and there that gator wrasslin’ should
be on his bucket list. He gets in the car with Billy-Bob to go track
down Bubba and Jimbo, but unbeknownst to Pete, Billy-Bob has had an
awful lot to drink. They end up in a fiery car-crash and Pete loses
his leg. Pete learns at the hospital that his leg cannot be saved.
Just before he heads into surgery, he tells the surgeon that no matter
what, he doesn’t want a realistic fake leg. The surgeon agrees to do
nothing beyond patching him up the best he can and waiting until Pete
is in a better mental state to make a decision about what to do about
his stump. After a week and a half, Pete is released from the hospital
and he begins his search for a doctor who can help him. During his
recovery, he had an epiphany: since he wasn’t likely to tick gator
wrasslin’ off his bucket list, he would replace it with a new bucket
list item: getting a peg leg. So he searches the country for a doctor
willing to help him with his new dream, and just when he’s about to
give up he is referred to a doctor in Tijuana, Mexico, and he pays
cash for this peg leg apparatus: at the end of the stump on his leg is
a device that you can screw different, specially made peg legs into.
He tends to favor the pine, but he has one made of cedar and another
of mahogany that he saves for special occasions. To this day, I have
no idea how Pete really lost his leg, but I have no doubt that he had
to search far and wide for a doctor that would agree to give him a peg
leg.

As for the glass eye, I’ve never heard the story as to why he’s
missing an eye, but Pete likes to take his eye out and put it in a
glass of water so no one else will drink out of it. One day during
lunch, while my boyfriend wasn’t looking, Pete dropped the eyeball in
his soup. My boyfriend started to eat his soup and nearly passed out
when it seemed like his soup was staring right back at him through
this one eyeball, floating amongst the bits of chicken and peas.

Boo Hoo

I work for a very small company that has had a lot of personnel
changes in the last six months. Not only did the owners get rid of the
CEO and his wife, and rightly so, but they eliminated a couple more
positions. That has doubled the work for everyone else. Most of us are
salaried and we were told to stay until our work is done and we can
take time off when it is slow.

Yesterday I was in at 5:30 AM and left at 5:30 PM. No lunch. My work
load is obscene.

This morning I told the owner that I wanted a raise and instead of
just telling me that the company can’t afford it right now, I was told
that everyone complains to her that all I do is talk about my personal
problems and when times are slow I play on the internet.

I told her I wanted to know who complained and she said everyone. So I
asked everyone. I never talk about personal problems and everyone said
that they never complained to her.

I also told her that when I am done with school in about a year I can
make $68,000 a year. She said I have told her that many times. I have
never told her that.

I guess she thinks I am stupid and can’t tell when I am being lied to.
No more working through lunch, coming in early and staying late.