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Pension Plans
After multiple layoffs in a short time, I took what I could get,
which turned out to be participant services for a third party
administrator of medical benefits. My primary client was a group of
industrial retirees who, depending on when they retired, paid nothing
for their benefits, mailed in monthly payments, or had their costs
deducted from their pensions…pensions we didn’t administer. After
hurricane Katrina, my former boss – author of such gems as, “You
guys don’t go into the supply room because if supplies turn up
missing, I don’t want anyone to think we’re using supplies” –
achieved a new personal best.
She approached me as one of the more senior team members and said we
needed to do something for our participants who lived in disaster
areas. It wouldn’t be many because most of our folks stayed in the
Northeast after they retired. I told her I’d already identified
that we had six people in the affected regions, only two of whom were
required to send payments for benefits. I had entered stops on those
two accounts to keep benefits from terminating for non-payment, with
a flag to reevaluate in six months. I asked her if she could think of
anything else we could do to help.
She said that since all the houses were either evacuated or
destroyed, retirees wouldn’t receive pension checks sent to those
addresses, so she wanted me to call each retiree and ask where they
wanted their pension checks mailed. I slowly repeated that she wanted
me to call houses that had been evacuated or destroyed (this was not a
cell phone toting crowd) and talk to the people who had either
evacuated them or been there when they were destroyed, praying she
didn’t catch the tone I couldn’t for the life of me keep out of
my voice. She nodded eagerly, beaming like a toddler who’d just
used the big girl potty.
Hoping she was just having one of those brain dead moments we all
have, but somehow knowing otherwise, I reminded (informed?) her that
phones in houses that had been evacuated or destroyed were unlikely
to be answered by the living, but she said she still wanted me to
call. I then mentioned that the few lines and towers that were
functional were needed for emergency response, so calling would be a
disservice to the entire community, but she wasn’t dissuaded. Then
– and I thought this would be the trump card – I pointed out that
because we didn’t administer the pension, we didn’t know who was
even on it or whether they had direct deposit, and that the pension
administrator wouldn’t accept address changes from us, anyway.
She stared at me sideways, obviously disappointed in my lack of
charity, and told me to start calling. That was when I tripped over
that elusive convincing argument: three people were out that day, and
we were swamped. I thought she’d finally given up the idea until I
walked past her office later and heard her leaving messages.
My current boss doesn’t understand why I adore him so much. I’m
going to send him this link.
23 Comments to Pension Plans
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Your former boss was obviously in the wrong profession. Since it’s clear she didn’t get to a high position in the company on merit, she must have used the time-honored technique of sleeping her way to the top. Assuming she had decent looks, she should have become a hooker… it’s where all her talent lies.
Boss, if you are reading this, please fire this arrogant jerk.
I often give misguided direction to staff simply to see how loyal they are to me. OP, I would have fired your pansy-ass after your first objection. I’m working in Louisiana this week and everything appears fine. I don’t get what the big to do is about Katrina. Whiner’s.
Sometimes you just have to do it anyway. What’s the big fucking deal? You can’t make 6 phone calls?
urbanpossum, are you kidding – - OF COURSE things are appearing fine in Louisiana right now!!! It has be over 8 YEARS since katrina came ashore. Did you think we all sit on our asses down here and wouldn’t do anything to clean up after a storm. Get real!
Geeze OP, you sure do a great job of making yourself seem like a royal asshole. Even if the phones probably weren’t working, is it really that big a deal to try?
You might THINK you know more than everyone, but you still need to show some RESPECT to your boss.
Yeah, I’m with OC. You didn’t really have a lot of calls to make. If you were so confident none would have been answered, it would have taken all over 8 minutes to call everyone? Sure it would have been wasted time but you put a lot of effort into arguing with your boss about it.
I am in agreement with Urbanpossum and The Oxford Comma, although I do not appreciate the language used by either.
my parents used to tell me that you can’t fix stupid. the boss would’ve been a prime example of their logic.
Hey, what if the participants had their phones forwarded to wherever they evacuated? They’d still be able to receive calls. I don’t think the boss’ request was that stupid, honestly. Maybe not completely practical.
Sending the link to this site to your boss is a pretty stupid idea. This is the kind of site you never want your bosses to know you visit. Just in case.
I’m pretty much in agreement with the others though- if you were so convinced nobody would answer, then humor the dummy, spend 10 minutes making calls to dead lines, and call it a day.
My favorite part of this story though was where you specifically said the calls would not be answered by the living. So I guess they might be answered by the dead? The wording just made me LOL.
hhaa airwing…i saw that part too and thought the same thing…op dont make things more difficult than they have to be…its ridiculous…..just like i had to yell at the caterer last night “just do your fucking job”
My brother worked to fix a bridge in New Orleans after Katrina the phones were working within a week out there.
I reckon Amy is beginning to develop feelings for me. She just stopped by with a gift, just because: a TenPoint Carbon Xtra CLS Crossbow Package with RangeMaster Pro Scope and ACUdraw System Laminated Stock. I am laughing! Go ahead, take my guns. Make my day! I will be laughing last, motherfreakers!
Walter! You should repent! You have used harsh language against your elected leaders!
Gees, OP, you have some serious balls if you just repeatedly ignored what your boss told you to do. You were probably right but it would have been easier to do what you were told. That’s my opinion, though. I bet you have balls the size of baseballs. Oh hey, that reminds me of a story. You know those ball pits that places use to have, like McDonald’s maybe? Or Chuck E. Cheese? Well, I have an amusing story to tell about that. It really isn’t gross so you can continue reading (Zephyr Skunk). So, one time I had to go to a kids birthday party at this place with a ball pit. I was maybe 21 at the time. Before going, I had eaten some sausage that was in the fridge. Apparently, the sausage was a little too old. I got really sick on my stomach. I had to go do #3 (haha, get it? it’s a runny #2!). Anyway, I ran to the bathroom, but it was in use. I tried the woman’s restroom, it was always in use. No toilets! I couldn’t hold it any longer. I went and jumped in the ball pit, buried myself neck deep, dropped my jeans, and poo’d all in the ball pit. I took a few long steps forwarded, grabbed a clean ball and wiped with it. Another huge step forward, I pulled up my pants and climbed out…not without trapping a bunch of colorful balls in my pants. Hahah, those kids sure did get a kick out of me pulling balls from my pants and throwing at them. About 15 minutes later, as I was about to leave, I heard a shriek coming from the ball pit and there was a mom retrieving her fecal matter covered kid right from the stop I relieved myself. I’d hate to be the one who had to clean THAT up. Haha.
That was fucking gross.
What was? I couldn’t help it if balls got trapped in my pants. I had to pull them out. It’s not like I exposed myself. I mean, gees! I swear, people think the worst of everythying.
The smart kids stay far away from ball pits.
zephyr is that where your lover met you?
Dan that was fucking funny man. lol still laughing.
your story reminds me of the time i had a enemy in high school who stoled a bb gun out of my locker i was trying to sell. so i shit into a ziplock bag and broght it to school and during class I got it and dumped it in the bottom of his locker and smeared it around. lol. take that thief bitch. lol
You spent more time arguing than it would’ve taken to make the fucking call. I’d have fired you on the second rebuttal.