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Run Away
I got a job with a well known buisness supplies store shortly after
shaving my head (in memory of my grandma). My bosses didn’t have a
problem with a near bald female working for them. A few months after
shaving my head, my 17 year old best friend ran away from home. I was
naturally distraught and in a panic, she had never given any
indication that she was upset or that she was going to do something
like that. I called into work and told my bosses what had happened,
and they told me I could have 2 days off to look for her. As we had
several mutual friends in the area where the office supplies store
was, one of my co-workers saw me running from store to store talking
to employees while I was rostered to be working and told on me -
though the bosses knew what I was doing.
After my two day time period, my bosses called me into their office,
seeming very cold and quiet. I explained to them that we had a trail
on where she had disappeared to, and that we had managed to contact
police all over Eastern Canada to report if they see her.
They let me explain through gripped hands, shaking voice and white
visage. After I was done, they said, “You need to do something about
your hair. Customers are complaining that they don’t know if you are
a boy wearing makeup and that your ambigousness is confusing them.” I
was shocked, and started to cry just from the stress of losing my
friend and of just not expecting a rather hurtful comment. I asked
them what they think I should do, as I clearly couldn’t make my hair
grow any faster. They said they didn’t care, but if I could please
make myself look a bit more girly they would appreciate it. Not a
word was said about why I was gone for two days, or a word of comfort
for my missing friend. Just that I needed to look more like a girl
because I was disturbing the customers with my gender neutral look.
(She showed up a week later, half way across the country.)
59 Comments to Run Away
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This post needs some more Draaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaa~
Not sure what the problem is here….you had told them of your issue, and they let you have two days off to try and deal with it (which most likely caused them some headaches around scheduling to make up for your absence). Then they honestly told you about some customer complaints regarding your appearance and asked that you help solve the problem.
- they could have fired you for the inconvenience of asking for the two days off…see plenty of other stories on the site with similar tales of woe.
- they could have fired you for the issues with the customers….if the customers complained about you, then they had every right to say something to you to discuss the situation.
These sound like some of the better bosses on the site in giving you some compassion during your issues, not having issues with your initial appearance, and only bringing some customer concerns to you in an effort to help their business.
My advice…read some of the other stories on here and realize how bad it could have been, thank your bosses for being so understanding and then work to improve the situation.
I would say that’s discrimination. As long as you are clean and groomed they really can’t do anything about it.
You sound very immature. The problems with your friend are not their business. You may want their sympathy, but the world does not revolve around you. They are trying to run a business. They were decent people by giving you the time off to play detective. You shaved your head in memory of your grandmother? I might have fired you right then; that is unstable, irrational behaviour. They want people who they can count on and that don’t make customers feel uncomfortable.
You have a right to express yourself, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us have to put up with it in our business. You want to do something for your grandmother? Be someone she would have been proud of, in appearance and in actions.
Why does everyone expect bosses to get involved with their employees personal lives. I understand you were upset, but what did you expect a Hug? I dont want to hear about drama that involves my employees lives outside of work.
Very sad about your friend and grandmother, but what does that have to do with the discussion your bosses had with you about your hair? I’m sure they didn’t have a problem at first, but if the customers start to complain about their perception of you (and thus the business), it’s your boss’s job to be honest with you about it.
I know that it’s tough when you don’t get the emotional support you’re expecting from management, but they did accommodate you by giving you the time off when they didn’t have to (legally). Sure, the timing sucks, but when would be a good time to hear that customers don’t know how to react to your “gender neutral look”?
People would be better off if they were thankful for what they did get and stopped expecting love and hugs from business professionals.
You sound like a crappy worker. Sorry about your friend. But take care of your own crap. Don’t let it disrupt your work.
This one is a toss-up. Your bosses could have been a little more politically correct about your appearance, but they did not have to even give you the two days off to look for your run away friend. That’s no reason to miss work. It’s childish, it’s drama, it’s sort of a red flag to an employer when a worker wants off to go looking for a run away. It seems that there are two possibilities: you’re either a head-case, or you just need to grow up.
I dont get it?
Are they bad bosses because they dont give a shit about your flakey friend or are they bad bosses because you forced them to address your fucktarded decision to shave your head?
This is a mystery to me WTF are you trying to say here??
Was this supposed to be some sort of cancer thing? I have never heard of shaving your head for a dead relative.
The whole “women must have long hair” thing does seem rather draconian, though.
How stupid is your story? Put on a freaking wig for Chrissake and STFU! Oh and if I was your employer I would tell you that your friend’s FAMILY and the POLICE need to look for her, not a bunch of her friends!!
My god, you people are heartless asses.
my question is whether or not people were actually complaining or if it’s all made up accusations.
A company has a right to tell you how to dress and look – as long as it’s appropriate. Meaning they can ask you to have a natural hair color. They can ask that you dress a certain way permitting that you were told this from the very beginning and the rules are applied to everyone. So I don’t say any wrongness in them asking you to do something about your hair.
You were very lucky that they gave you two days off. Your missing friend doesn’t qualify for FMLA so they didn’t have to give you any time off.
Commenters on this site continue to be absolute moronic asshats. The OP clearly said she got the job AFTER her head was shaved, so they hired her knowing what she looked like. If they had customer complaints and had to bring it up, they could’ve chosen a more sensitive time to address it and they could’ve come up with a better solution than “I don’t know – just try to look more girly.” ESPECIALLY since they hired her with that appearance in the first place.
Some business have rules about appearance when you have to deal with the public face to face. The way you present yourself is the way the public perceives the business. An office supply store is going to have fairly conservative policies for appearance. A woman with a shaved head is still considered unusual. I think you should just suck it up and be happy you have a job still.
Your boss should have done the right thing and fired you when your concern over a friend running away interfered with your job performance. It’s not your responsibility to look for a runaway friend.
Yet another person who will get nowehere in the working world if she doesn’t change her work ethics.
Ridiculous.
Yes an employer can have a “Dress Code” when dealing with the public.
If they hire you to deal with the public, and you do not fit that code, they cannot complain when you STILL look like that a month later.
Giving you time off to look for you friend was damned nice of them, but what made you store to store in the mall you worked? That kind of questioning could have waited until AFTER your mutual friends were off work.
Still, buy a wig and get over it.
I think most of the people who comment here are just internet gangsters looking to put people down for their own amusement/self gratification. Some of the stories are a bit ridiculous and far-fetched, but I rarely see any supportive or positive comments, no matter what the story is. I bet damn well if something happens in your life you’d expect some sympathy. I doubt if your boss was an ass to you during hard time you’d be like “oh well he’s running a business, guess I should just suck it up and not have any feelings”.
I agree that one should have a professional demeanor at all times possible, and keep home issues at home. Let’s face it though, things in life happen to everyone. Everyone needs to be cut a break sometimes. If your family memeber died and you needed time off to attend a funeral, or if you had a sick child that needed care, I bet you wouldn’t think twice about asking for some time off. What might mean nothing to you can mean so much to someone. You guys are so full of shit, seriously.
They hired her with a shaved head, which was very open minded of them, but what did they expect? Also they didn’t tell her to wear a wig, just to look more girly. But then they told her the customers were specifically thrown off by her wearing makeup? Who cares if slack jawed joe customer doesn’t know if she’s a boy or girl?
They hired her with the shaved head. End of discussion, they had no right to ask her to “look more girly”. They hired her knowing what she looked like. The friend issue is superfluous.
Jes, about the only part you say that I would dispute:
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Meaning they can ask you to have a natural hair color.
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That they cannot ask you to do…That would be discrimination. The dress code yes, they can enforce, but something like that, I’d wager they’d never get away with.
But I have to say that I’m not seeing any reason to complain by the OP. They were nice enough to let you have the time off to look for your friend, but they had to do something about the customer complaints (However, I’m sort of thinking the bosses might have gotten snookered by the stories about the ‘whining’ as caused by the other employee. [otherwise, they should have said something sooner]
I don’t know about the part of the story about looking for the friend, but I don’t see why anyone would have complained about a girl with a shaved head. How did the customers know that it wasn’t from chemotherapy? There is a chemo clinic in a town nearby that asks that the family members of chemo patients shave their heads for support. I think it’s going a little overboard that they ask people to do that, but maybe the girl did it for something like that.
My company has a dress code, and in it, it says that you can’t have an “extreme hairstyle” and for a female, this would be a shaved head. Unless it was something medical, they would probably let me go over it.
You are a fucking mental case
Given the vast majority of the stupid comments on here, you can plainly see what the problem is with the way things work today. Do your shit and have absolutely no feelings whatsoever. Your “work ethics” are interfering with your actual ethics. Get your heads out of your arses and realize there is more to life than just your job. There’s something called a life. I suggest you find it.
Every story I read on here has comments from these stupid ignorant jerks. They never read the story just interpreted it they way they thought it was. I’m sure the next story I read will have one of jimbo’s misinterpreted jerk comments on it as well. Grow up.
What kind of idiotic customers are threatened by a girl with a shaved head?
Your bosses are a bunch of asses…but you do come off a bit childish. I know you were concerned about your friend and were doing a nice thing by looking for her, but you have your obligations. At least they were kind enough to give you the time off to look for her without firing you. But in this life, sweetheart, we can’t expect everyone to empathize with all of our problems.
Gadebalran Said,
My god, you people are heartless asses
So, should we all give each other a group hug and smoke weed in your Volkswagon van?
I want to meet the people that complained about you not looking like a man or a woman. Frankly…who cares what you look like if you do a good job? You are hired to do a job. You aren’t hired to put on a fashion show.
Sorry about your grandma and your friend. Although you bosses don’t have to care about their people, they should. Makes a better working invironment.
My guess is she shaved her head in memory of her grandmother because her grandmother passed away from cancer (treatment causes patient to lose hair, hence the shaving of one’s head in memory; had male friends do it). It may seem crazy to a lot of people, but she’s making a statement, and she’s obviously comfortable with who she is.
Also, she mentions that she’s in Canada, where we don’t have FMLA (to my knowledge), though I believe we have something similar, and runaway friends don’t fall under the allowed time-off category. But still, for saying she’s a head case for worrying about her friend? She obviously cares for her friend and doesn’t want them to get hurt or have anything bad happen to them. That’s what friends are for, they care about one another when the rest of the world couldn’t give two sh*ts.
Finally, while yes, she should have kept her personal life and her work life as separate as possible, it sounds like the OP is only a teenagers, where it’s difficult to deal with all that stress sometimes. The OP, aware that females with shaved heads (assuming she’s white as well) is very uncommon and not really accepted in society, has been given two days to look for her friend, which was very generous of the employers, but told upon her arrival that customers were complaining and tell her to “look more girly”. Does anyone else find it weird that customers would only just start to complain? The issue would have arisen before OP was given the two days off, so I think the OP was trying to imply that the managers were making something up. Not only that, while it’s easy to say go put on a wig, a good wig is both A) hard to find and B) very expensive; and I doubt she’d wear a $10 halloween wig to work. Not only that, if she’d had her head shaved over a month, depending on how fast her hair grows, it is probably at an awkward stage to wear a wig; it’s easy when it’s shaved, it’s easy when it’s longer, but when one’s hair is in that middle stage where it’s very short but kind of starting to fall down rather than stand up and not able to be held back, it’s difficult to put a wig over it, because it may slip and slide awkwardly from the hair.
So they wanted you to not look like a troll (two months after shaving your head). They wanted you to do *something* (anything!) to your hair.
@ Raze – well said!
A few months after the hiring, this running around the mall thing happened. NO doubt, the company thought you were recovering from cancer and that by a few moths, your hair would have grown out. How does it help your grandmother to continue shaving one’s head for months? Maybe that left the company people wondering. By the time she played hooky to look for an irresponsible friend, they were probably getting fed up with high maintenance.
I just want to know what kind of customer would complain about a gender-neutral employee? Seriously, who would take the time? “Ooooh, I’m so confused about the gender of this employee that I must now complain! Maybe I’ll get a discount for complaining.”
I think the bosses made it up.
Or the OP made it up.
What, did you keep shaving your head for months? If this occurred a few months after you were hired as a baldy, wouldn’t you have nearly an inch of hair covering your head? It’s not too hard to make it look feminine.
In response to ‘Really?’ — “stupid ignorant jerks?” I like your redundantcy.
Them giving you crap about the hair thing after they knew your head was shaved when they hired you was stupid, but then again so was shaving your head in memory of someone. Stupid or not though, they knew about it and chose to tell you it was fine so that’s their loss. That aside though, requesting time off at the last minute because a dumb friend ran away from home without even telling her friends what was going on was entirely inappropriate from a business standpoint.
Bringing silly teenage drama to the workplace is not acceptable under any circumstances. I’ve worked in retail management for years and it was beyond obnoxious having stupid teenage girls working for me that would expect to be able to leave early, come in late, or skip shifts with little to no notice because they were “having a bad day” or had some BS relationship/friendship drama. Grow up. Work is work. Businesses exist to make money. Petty nonsense like that has no place interfering with your obligations as an employee.
I agree with Raze and Pixie. Most of the commentators leaving negative bullying type comments are wanna-be internet toughies who probably don’t even have a job of their own. People like that NEED to get lives and stop trying to cause drama of their own through their comments on stories like these!
I don’t understand why are there so many haters, get a grip you people, this is DISCRIMINATION and is ILLEGAL! Although I’ve got to admit that your bosses were nice enough by giving you 2 days off, when legally they weren’t forced to, telling you to look ‘more girly’ was totally out of place. If the customers have any problems w/ your appereance, please, show me the complain sheets. Your bosses were very sympathetic about your friend and SOOOO politically incorrect about your looks.
@Jimbo “Stupid” and “Ignorant” mean different things. Look it up.
I don’t believe a best friend disappearing is “Silly Teenage Drama”. Something serious could have happened to the young lady and ANYONE who was close to the girl would have wanted to aid in her safe return.
Issue at the heart of this isn’t even the time she took off to see about her friend, so please, get off that shit.
The issue was her hair.
Or, lack there of.
The bosses showed a lack of concern at all.
I know of my bosses and bosses of friends who have asked how there kid was after having a cold.
For the bosses not to have asked about her whole reason for missing work was insensitive.
But, that aside, they should have told her exactly what to do since all of a sudden it was a big issue. Get a wig, wear an “I am a girl” shirt or something else.
Customers or the bosses would still find a reason to complain so this story is actually a shit story and I see no real reason why this is on TMB.
GET OVER IT. SORRY ABOUT YOUR G-MA, BUT IF YOU’RE THAT WORRIED ABOUT YOUR FRIEND, CALL THE AUTHORITIES. BTW: THE WHOLE HAIR THING AIN’T GONNA WORK WHEN YOU GET A REAL GROWNUP JOB.
Why not wear a hat if this is possible? Very inexpensive solution.
@Raze – I’m an internet gangster so I think you’re an idiot!
Idiots. Shaving your head to support cancer research is extremely common. Heck, there is even an event in Australia called ‘World’s Greatest Shave’ and the point is to shave your head to promote awareness.
I really don’t see what the issue with the hair is. The OP did not mention her ethnicity, but black women can wear their hair extremely close cropped without repercussion. Her bosses need to leave 1950 join us in 2010.
Seriously, most of the comments are exceptionally rude and narrow minded. the OP is well within her rights to be upset about the employers trying to punish her over having a shaved head. Conservatism and Customer Service aside, a tidy appearance has nothing to do with weather your gender is confusing or not. The Bosses should have known better than to comment on someone’s gender appearance.
As others have commented, the OP already had the shaved head when they hired her – they can’t come back later and complain about it. If it was an issue they should never have hired her in the first place. And why on earth a customer would presume to complain about such a thing is beyond me – how would the customer know that the OP wasn’t a cancer patient herself who had lost her hair?
I’m not sure what the bit about the runaway friend has to with anything though.
Wow, this employee sounds more like the head ache than the boss.
Bad timing, maybe, on the part of the boss. But really, they bent over backwords for you in accomodating the hair and the request for two days to find a “friend.”
If it was a relative, I could understand the request. You are lucky you had a job after that.
She sounds like she enjoys drama, and is probably a head ache on the job in many other ways.
This is the craziest thing ever…ok first of all, I don’t care about the hair thing…someone said something, someone else was mean, someone was wrong, i don’t care. My concern is why you’re that upset about your 17 year old friend, that you need 2 days off of work to look for her. Easily something the police could have done, but you said she ran away from home, indicating she knew what she was doing and made a decision to leave. (She’s 17, which is young, but definitely old enough to get by in life). You sound more like a 5 year old with a lost puppy.
I think people who have a problem with her appearance are appalling. It’s a choice. So what if she’s gender neutral? What if she’d been a transsexual in mid-operation or undergoing hormone therapy? If the bosses had mentioned anything then, everyone on this board would be up in arms over their discrimination instead. I agree she shouldn’t have expected compassion (since managers are generally devoid) but I agree with her that perhaps the nonsequitous comments could have been made at a different time. Or not at all, seeing as that is how she chooses to honour her grandmother (who I am assuming endured chemotherapy, hence the unique memorial). People who comment that she is behaving immaturely are cold.
Your friend’s business is her own, and none of yours. You’d do better spending time growing.
Your grandmother probably wouldn’t approve of self-mutalation either.
@Terry: You, sir, are either an idiot or extremely narrow-minded. How is shaving your head “self-mutilation”? Cutting yourself because you’re depressed is self-mutilation. Piercing your ears and then stretching the piercings until you have a half-inch hole in each ear is self-mutilation (in my opinion; I’m sure there are many people who would not agree). Shaving your head to show support for a relative going through chemotherapy is NOT self-mutilation. Matter of fact, shaving your head for ANY reason, even if it’s not medical, is not self-mutilation… sometimes, it’s as simple as “I want to try something different”.
@Um…ok. You too, are an idiot. I guess if one of YOUR closest friends suddenly turned up missing, you’d shrug your shoulders and say “Oops! Oh well!” and not give a crap. I call bullshit on that. If you really WOULD do that, then you’re probably a sociopath who is only *pretending* to have friends.
@Haywood: Yet another idiot. How do you know this WASN’T a “real grownup job”? She never said what job position she took (though obviously there were people higher-up than her). All we know is it had something to do with customer service. When you ASSUME something, you make an ASS out of YOU and ME… but mostly YOU. And I’ll let you in on a little something that happened at my workplace (I am a computer specialist for a local university): When my father was going through chemotherapy for colon cancer, I shaved my head in respect. Of course, my boss asked me why, and I told him. The next day, HE shows up for work with a shaved head. The day after that, EVERYONE ELSE in my department shaved their head too. *sighs* Where have the employers like that disappeared to?
I *do* agree that the company was extremely nice to give her two days to look for her friend. They didn’t have to do that, legally… and a lot of companies would have required two weeks notice (as if you can somehow see the future and predict when your friend will run away and go missing).
I think the OP was more upset that her bosses were nice to her for several months, and then suddenly switched to cold and critical.
The bosses may have freaked because they were worried about being used or looking like they were playing favorites.
I am not a “silly teenager” working in a store, I am an adult working in an office for the MoD. You can bet your ass that if my best friend ran away I’d be taking time off work to look for her! You lot need to look for better friends if you wouldn’t do this, clearly you don’t have that bond with someone.
And all those people saying to get a wig or wear a hat… What the hell is the point in shaving her head if she is just going to cover it up!
When you’re a teenager you sometimes expect authority figures to take on a caring role- they are not required to do that.
Actually having an employee with contacts to a runaway would probably be a big problem for them. Compounded with possible reputation damage from having somebody looking like they were going to Rocky Horror- is not the pasteurized , consumer friendly image anyone wants.
It was probably more than a coworker- especially older people get very angry if there is someone they don’t understand or know. One old lady having a bad day and getting what she thinks is bad service can be a big reputation hit. Seniors take a long time to call one of their own out on BS.
OP, You sounds like an idiot. How were you seriously going to help find your friend?
What did you do other than call or message people? Did you drive across the country and find her? There is still plenty more hours in the day to look for your runaway friends other than your working hours. Your an idiot for taking time off.
Perssonally i don’t understand why you even tried so hard to find someone that RANAWAY, obviously she wanted time alone or is just another childish attention seeking teenager. I would have left her out there, she wouold have learnt her lesson in a day or maybe even a week and she would have come home.
I think this story is stupid and i wouldn’t be surprise if your sat at your computer reading this thinking “I’m such a childish idiot” or crying or whatever you weak children do these dys. People run away, your a weak minded individual and you need to grow up and not expect simpathy from anyone and stop being so selfish and self involved.
P.s Your friends sounds like an idiot too, tell her to grow the F*** up and stop being so selfish.